“He offended me…”
“She disrespected me, man!”
“Did you see the way he stared me down?! I’m going to ask him if he has a problem!”
“Did you see her facebook post? I can’t believe she posted that!”
“He said Kobe was better than Lebron….so I punched him!”
We as a society are ANGRY……AT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING! If you don’t think so, sit in a restaurant or in your local Starbucks and listen to the conversations. You will most likely see someone get frustrated because their triple shot macchiato with raspberry syrup didn’t appear fast enough. SERIOUSLY!!!!
We seem to need someone to blame for anything going on in the world! And we attack anything within our reach! If you look for it…you will see people lashing out….in so many outlets…..it is frightening.
A few weeks ago I made the mistake of watching a major news channel for 10 minutes…….10 minutes!!!!!!!! What happened……I’ll tell you that if I watched that newscast for more than a few days I would need a steady dose of Ativan! And one prescription renewal…
So it brings us to the weekly question…
Why are we so OFFENDED!?
Several years ago I took a job at a small university. Upon my arrival I gladly accepted an invitation for a “Meet and Greet” with the faculty, staff, administration, and surrounding community. The introduction to the environment went well and I was relieved to find hospitality in a new town. As the event came to an end, one individual approached me and had the following question,
“So….Coach…..I know where you are from…..but I hope you realize that you won’t be jack squat here! I mean, with the money they are paying you they could buy something important…”
…..I laughed….I smiled….I asked the individual if they were a booster, a former athlete, or a member of the University community……their reply:
“Good Luck Bama”
This rapport continued for the first couple of months of my tenure. The person would show up at certain gatherings and give me the silent treatment. Let’s just say I was getting the message LOUD AND CLEAR!! They didn’t want me there…and they wanted to make the transition as difficult as possible…..
As much as I didn’t want to admit it…they ticked me off! I took careful notice of who the individuals connections were and made mental notes of them.
Each community has individuals and groups that “buy in” to what you are trying to cultivate in the program. On the flip-side, you also have people who simply DO NOT want to listen to or participate any activity that you bring to the table…..for whatever reason.
I was trying to use the negativity of that person to motivate me….but I was really just feeding the issue….and working longer hours….and recruiting twice as hard as usual.
but hey…..I WAS OFFENDED!!!!…and being a jackwagon! (a Coach Newell term).
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Each Tuesday morning I would go to the local breakfast joint, grab a USA Today (great college football coverage), a coffee, and enjoy some “Me time”! I would make small talk with the restaurant staff and check out the local talent…although single women are rare at a small town coffee shop on a Tuesday morning….well…in some places they are rare.
One particular Tuesday morning as I reached the bottom of my first cup of coffee, my “number one fan”(the guy from the Meet and Greet)….(that is my sarcasm for those who are new to this).. walked in with a small group of people. They sat in a booth behind me and started their dissection of my game plan. Suddenly, without thinking, I got up and walked over to their booth…..grabbed a chair….and pulled it right up beside my “buddy”.
“So, let’s talk some ball!” I said.
Completely shocked and a little off guard, the alpha of the group asked about the upcoming game.
I said…
“We have an incredible plan….and we are going to be successful! But I’ll tell you what I think would really help us out….you know…turn the corner to being a championship team….ALL OF US BEING ON THE SAME DANG PAGE! Why don’t you guys come by the field house ……I have some hats for you! We can meet here on Tuesday mornings and talk college football and our next opponent!? Trust me, YA’LL want to be on our side when we start rolling!!!!!!!!!”
The table stopped and there was silence for about 4 seconds..(it felt like alot longer to this deep southerner). And then…….UNANIMOUS AGREEMENT!!! “Sure, we would love to! Let’s start next week…..or we can do tomorrow if you want, Coach!?”
One by one they left until it was me and my “Number 1 fan”!
Then it happened, the individual said, “I guess you want to know why I’ve been such a (blank) to you since you arrived!! I don’t get tickets anymore from the school. None of us do. After all I’ve done for this community…offended doesn’t even describe my feelings. Now how would you feel?!”
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So there is was….the reason for being offended.…..
In a world of anger and offense over….
-Economic Status
-Race and Culture
-Education
-Religious Beliefs
-Sexual Orientation
-Bathroom usage….
– Heck…..ANYTHING…..
And yes….that is a frog! Someone will not agree with my use of this frog….and
They will be offended.
Dr. Kevin Elko says in one of his programs,
“If you treat everyone you meet like they are hurting, you won’t miss by much!”
Truth is, WE ARE ALL HURTING! We are all in a maze of breakups, divorces, greetings and goodbyes, beginnings and endings, friendships and romances, attractions and heartaches. And the only way we can express our pain is……..
TO BE ANGRY AND OFFENDED!
This message really tugs at my heart! I see so many young men and women making mistakes because of EGO and PRIDE. Simply watch your local news and watch as people alter their lives because they were OFFENDED!
For one week, as your friend, mentor, and coach….I want to you commit to doing one thing! Every person you see…every person you talk to….treat them as if they are hurting….as if they are wounded beyond repair. And if you need help with how to do that, the following is a blueprint:
-If someone is verbally rude: stay calm and say, “I’m sorry” and LISTEN to them!
-If someone is mean to you at work: ask them if they want a coffee and LISTEN to them!
-If a teammate is angry: ask them to take a walk with you and LISTEN to them!
-If your professor disciplines you in front of the class: LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!
Do you see the pattern????
My grandmother (Nanny Clark) would say, “Pass and Let Pass!”
Treat every single person you meet as though they are in pain….and you will be close!
This week,
“Give Up Your Right to Be Offended!”
Right now…say it out loud 3 times,
“For the next week I willingly forfeit my right to be Offended by others! People are hurting and I am going to bless someone this week who was negative and/or rude and offended me!”
Also, make a list…..seriously! A list! List the people in the bible that Jesus performed a miracle for….and tell me why they were offended……and by whom!?
They just wanted to be BETTER! They had gotten over their offended state of mind and just wanted to get BETTER! So, do you want to get Better or do you want to be Offended?
It will really make you think….
Much Love Everyone! And let’s drop the HATE for a few days….
#CoachKD
coachkd.org 