Whether we are addressing situations with our families, recruiting, or business we all must identify priorities and values that we want to promote. Thoughts that we desire to convey to others and principles we want those around us to reciprocate! We look at the world around us and we are outraged when we see other people not reflecting those same priorities and values. Words like LOVE and HOPE are now the last four-letter words we use to describe our society and culture. We look to BLAME first and ask/seek forgiveness if it is convenient! We want someone to pay…for anything and everything. In today’s society (this was originally written before recent events that forced us, once again, to address issues with race and division), we are continually instructed that we are at WAR with our neighbor! I call BS! We are not at war….we are being TOLD we are at WAR…with everyone! My heart is broken today! Death fills our TV’s, radios, and social media. While we talk about making progress between us, EVIL happens and we go right back to the BLAME GAME . What we need is to start using words like LOVE and HOPE again. We need to catch each other….demographically…socially…religiously….doing something RIGHT! We need to recognize EVIL exists in this world and stop letting our politicians label it something less factual! We need to use the only name that matters, Jesus Christ, and help HIM change OUR hearts….He knows I need it from time to time:
“In Jesus name, I pray that this message finds the hearts of your children! Help us see YOU around every corner and help us see how we can step out and love each other this week!”
Educators, coaches in particular, are the primary force with boots on the ground in the war to influence our young people. Those people, whom I refer as mentor leaders, are on the front lines in this ongoing war over values and principles….in what is fundamentally a battle involving good and evil.
What other place do we literally see that war played out….than in our local communities and high schools? The largest expression from our local school systems is always our high school athletics programs. The biggest ticket?
Local High School Football!!
The game of football has given us some amazing mentor leaders. Some leaders are NFL guys who have seen the game from all angles. Others, and many of the best, spend their Friday nights under the lights at high schools in small towns across America. These people invest in their players, coaches, and communities selflessly and sacrificial. They don’t care about the money….they simply don’t have it! They live for the game and to see their kids live productive lives. Regardless of what level coaches dedicate themselves and their families to, they are the primary influence that will direct the lives of our young people.
After 12 years of working in athletics at the high school and college level I have taken notes from the very best leaders in the business! There were coaches like Lee Gibson at TCHS. Rush Propst at Hoover and Colquitt Co.. Josh Niblett at Hoover. Nick Saban at Alabama, Jim McElwain at Florida, and Kirby Smart at Georgia. Great Mentor Leaders!!! Each year I made it a priority to sit down with leaders of that caliber to grow and learn from their experiences and add to my own philosophies. After these meetings, the same principles seemingly came to light in each of their programs. Coaching and leadership legend Lou Holtz of Notre Dame, Arkansas, and South Carolina made it his primary job to address each of his teams with 3 distinct questions….THREE QUESTIONS TO SET THE TONE FOR THIS PHILOSOPHY AND TO COMMUNICATE ………LOVE!
Coach Holtz would walk into the team meeting room and state that he needed….and would be able to soon answer….each of the following questions from each player! This approach sent a message to each and every person (player and coach) in his program. A message that required a response. The response would be answered physically, verbally, and emotionally:
Can I Trust You?
Do you Care About ME?
Are you Fully Committed!?
As you read each of those three questions…..do they make you a little uneasy?!
Do they make you nervous.….?!
Do they make you feel….vulnerable?!
Do they inspire you?!
What emotions do those three questions spark?!
You can’t answer those questions without LOVE and COMPASSION!
When I heard Coach Holtz tell his strategy for his first team meeting I was floored. I still consider it to be one of the most moving bonding strategies I have ever seen in athletics. The man cares! He expects you to care. In fact, he expects you to be fully committed!
Let’s take a quick look at each of those three questions from a team and individual perspective:
- Can I TRUST YOU?
Can I trust you to make our relationship a PRIORITY? Are you going to make the small decisions every day to ensure our TEAM’s success? When your teammates are not around, will you have US in mind when making decisions? If we offer you a scholarship, or job, will you represent our name well? Will you COMPLETE your degree? Will you HONOR our contract? WILL YOU HONOR ME?
2. Do YOU care about ME?
NO! Really! Do YOU care about ME!? Was the person and family we met during the recruitment phase the genuine article?! Do you want me and OUR team to succeed? I have a family! You will stay under my roof A LOT! Do you care about my kids? Do you CARE?! I care about you enough to trust you in a contract (that is pretty much one-sided in your favor) for four to six years! Do you care about me and mine in the same respect? DO..YOU…LOVE…ME?
and…..
3. Are you FULLY COMMITTED?
What are your priorities? WHERE are your priorities? Is OUR team one of your priorities? Do you realize how blessed you are to be given this opportunity?…..or …are you going to stay on social media and constantly look for attention from other schools and coaches? Are you going to make the small decisions to make our team succeed? Will you attend study hall to help a teammate with Math 125? Will you skip the fraternity party because you want to send a positive message to your teammates? CAN YOU TELL YOU GIRLFRIEND NO!? (Is your significant other going to support you or detach you from the TEAM)!? WILL YOU BE THERE WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH?!
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Keeping those questions….and YOUR ANSWERS TO THEM in mind… watch the following scenario play out.
Each year, about this time, my phone begins to ring. Text messages. Facebook messages. Even old-fashioned EMAIL! They contact me. Some student athletes….some friends…..but mostly parents and friends of kids that “can play at the next level”!
They call and ask for me or one of my friends to look at an individual’s film. They ask if you have ever heard of the high school the player attends. They ask if you have ever heard of the player’s head coach. They will also ask if you remember some second, third, or fourth degree connection to the player or one of the player’s coaches.
Cliche’s are used. “Great Upside”….”A bit of a project”…..”You wouldn’t think it by just looking at him”…..”A little rough around the edges”…….”if he gets his grades right”….and one of my personal favorites,
“he just didn’t mesh well with the coaching staff”…
Then, as anyone who knows me will confirm…I ask each caller one specific question:
“Do You Trust This Kid?!”
there is usually a long pause……………
and then….they tell me all I need to hear!
There is something about that word, isn’t there?! “TRUST!” It speaks of honor, integrity, and respect. It makes things personal!
It requires YOU and I take personal responsibility!
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Are you entering the job market? Are you starting college? Are you starting summer workouts in Tuscaloosa, Gainesville, Baton Rouge, or Athens? Are you entering new territory and meeting people you don’t have time to determine their motives?
Regardless of the season of life we are in, we tend to forget the very basic fundamentals of relating to people. Trust. Integrity. Honor. We apply for jobs. We apply to schools. We meet with college coaches that are hoping to recruit us. We go about our daily lives “grinding” and we wonder why we are always drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually!
Its time to confront some very inconvenient truths. It doesn’t matter who you are talking to …..a parent, a police officer, the CEO of Apple, Jim McElwain, Nick Saban, the man asking for money outside Starbucks, or your English professor. They are all looking at you and asking the same questions (in their own little way) that Coach Holtz asks his guys.
Can I Trust You?!
Do you Care about Me?
Are you Fully Committed?!
Well……people around you are waiting for your answers!
Another small example of what I do:
When I interview for any job. ANY JOB! I write those three questions down in my portfolio. And as the interview develops I write my responses down in the spaces between them on my legal pad. I wait and answer them again the next day (the 24 hour rule). As much as you should be trying to convince your INTERVIEWER that you are the right person for the job…..you should also be trying to make sure the EMPLOYER is right for YOU!
Through our lives we will be faced with thousands of decisions that have the ability to change our futures as well as the futures of our loved ones. One thing that has really began to stand out to me in the past few years is that the leaders I admire the most do one thing well…..
“Develop the ability to surround oneself with genuine, supportive personnel that can be TRUSTED, that CARE ABOUT YOU, and are FULLY COMMITTED!”
They make GOOD decisions regarding relationships based on the examples they have been given…
so…..
I think I have answered those three questions for you….and when you approach me…you now know what I’m looking for….I want to see LOVE from you….TRUST…… and some level of COMMITMENT!
doesn’t my life and job depend on it too!?
#CoachKD
#CANITRUSTYOU
#speakloveandhope
#everysinglelifematters!!!!!!!!!!!
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