Month: August 2016

Let’s get some inconvenient truths out of the way…..

Some people are selfish….

Relationships can be work….

We all want genuine relationships…..

……….

Life is going to be difficult at times….but it can be less difficult with the right people…

As a coach, athlete, mentor, or well….any position for that matter, we all eventually deal with all types of different people.  And I mean ALL TYPES!!!!  Leaders of all types, including pastors will tell you how relationships can and do differ depending on where you are in life.  Simply sit down with a college coach and we will begin to tell you recruiting stories that would make you laugh into tears.  Speak with any athlete and they will tell you stories of people willing to do anything for tickets and autographs…..ANYTHING!

…which brings us to this weeks message:

Recognizing Conditional and Unconditional Relationships

When I started working as a strength and conditioning “Intern” I was re-introduced to the world of Division I college athletics.  I had several seasons under my belt as an assistant at several high schools (some of which were high-profile). However, I immediately recognized the pressure and the process.  The hours were long but I never noticed because I never felt as though I was “Working”!   I loved every second!  It was during one of those long days that I heard a line that would be burned into my soul.  An assistant coach had called me into an individual meeting with a player.  We were discussing the player’s performance academically, athletically, and spiritually while using self-guided discovery.  Somewhere between discussing the weight room and their spiritual life…the assistant coach uttered the following statement:

“Don’t forget….NOT EVERYONE WHO IS WITH YOU IS FOR YOU!”

I vividly remember turning my head and staring at the coach…

NOT…..EVERYONE…..who….is….WITH…..YOU….is…FOR….YOU!  It took me a second and I wrote it down in my notes.  I knew this information somewhere, deep down in my subconscious but I don’t think I had ever put it into words.   Immediately I had names come to my own mind that I knew were NOT FOR ME…but were around me and had influence.

It was a moment of clarity…….

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We all have these moments of clarity at different points in our lives.  Some happen when we are children.  Others happen as death strikes close to home.  Many times the most painful moments of maturity happen relationally.  This week an article was published about one of the most gifted players I have ever witnessed, Trent Richardson.

Trent Richardson’s friends spent 1.6 Million of his money in 10 months…..

Trent is a great person.  And I’m not saying that just because he is an amazing athlete.   I’m also not saying it because he possesses an absolute God-given gift in the weight room. When I was around him he was relatively quiet and I have always respected his work ethic and attitude!  He is simply ….what you want on your team!

But the words in that article simply broke my heart!  And this story is just one of many!

Conditional vs. Unconditional Relationships

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Approximately the same time I began working for the Division I school, I began to have access to football tickets.  It wasn’t a big deal to me…..at first.   I had student tickets as well and could always use the other tickets if I needed to.  Co-workers usually had family coming into town and we would lend and use the tickets at will. Furthermore, former players would need extra seats and I….honestly…never thought anything about giving them to people.  That is…until…..

I began to get calls from people I haven’t seen or spoken to in a decade.  People whom the last time I had actually heard their name was in a pep rally…when we were in freakin HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!

I did what I could and was convenient.  I may have went out of my way once or twice.  Then, one Friday, yes….a dang FRIDAY, I received a call for…get this…

LSU TICKETS!

Needless to say, that wasn’t going to happen!

I completely forgot about the phone call as game day preparations were well underway and I continued my job.  A week later I am talking to a friend at another school and they inform me that,

“They said their feelings are hurt because you didn’t get them tickets and didn’t return their call!”  

These same people, when I took jobs in New York and Virginia,  must have lost my number because I never got ticket requests, invites for dinner, or a “Been thinking about you….how you doing” text?

Conditional vs. Unconditional Relationships

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Let’s be real here!  This message hits home for all of us.  

At a certain point we all must realize that a number of people (we may consider friends) are only “with us” for the conditions we provide them.

For me, on a personal level….my lesson was learned when I was blessed (and I do mean blessed) with a torn ACL. In one of my toughest moments….several surgeries, a serious infection, and weeks of sleepless nights in the Hospital….. Only a small handful of people called and/ or came by the Hospital…..and one (Andy) came back 3 days in a row to challenge me!

-Where were all of my “friends”?

-Where were all of those people that were “ride or die”?

“Not everyone who was with me…..was FOR ME!”

  Each year I see young, naive athletes step foot on a campus and immediately have two beautiful co-eds on each arm……..then when they don’t start or get media attention………the co-eds go back to the fraternity party chair or the bartender.

 I see coaches finally get that big job and are immediately surrounded by people who have million dollar smiles and the black credit cards to back it up.  They quickly have to decide who to invest their time with and who wants them to “spend” their time.

Most of us must learn the hard way… the difference between conditional and unconditional relationships. 

 We all need to STOP and find our  “Set Point” in each area of our lives.

We must sit down and ask ourselves tough questions regarding where we stand personally, mentally, spiritually, physically, romantically, and financially.  

We must find ways to connect deeper with our core group of people that care about us…regardless of what the press and/or bank account says.

We must make difficult decisions on where we are in life and WHO we need to have around us!

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The following links are simply some material that all of us need to read, understand, and place in permanent memory.

10 Reasons NFL Players go Bankrupt

Just in Case: The Life of an NFL Journeyman

and just for kicks:

The top 10 highest paid athletes and their wives….

The 11 highest paid female athletes in the world.

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The bottom line here is simply:

“Not everyone with you …..is for you!”

Who do you want to talk to when you have to make the following decisions?

-Where should I go to school?

-Should I stay for my senior year or enter the draft?

-Should I take the job in Birmingham or move to Montana?

-Should I take the jump and pursue my passion or wait for another opportunity?

If you are not 100% confident in the names that came to mind….I urge you this week to seek honest answers to difficult questions and start the cleansing process.  One thing I have learned in my life is…and this is this week’s meditation:

the longer you delay cleansing areas of  your life…the more expensive it will be emotionally and collaterally. 

If you are emotionally ready to take a step in the right direction….I encourage you to look into the following books.  They have helped me in many ways including making judgement on WHO I invest in and to what level I allow them in…..

Chasing Daylight–Erwin McManus

The Way of the Seal–Mark Devine

The Road Less Traveled–M. Scott Peck

Power vs. Force–David R. Hawkins, MD

As always….let’s get better this week!

#COACHKD

It’s Thursday Night…..

You have a ton of stuff to do and even more on your mind!  You are stressed! You know you should be studying for a midterm….and looking over financials for your morning meeting at work.   But, your stressed!!  Your class project meeting…that is going on right now…they can handle it on their own….you just need a minute.

You know you should be somewhere else.  You momentarily consider going to bum a cigarette or a drink from the girl outside the student center…but you don’t smoke and well…you know that you don’t need to drink in season….and really…you just don’t want to talk to anyone….

You decide to take a walk…a long walk….down a few streets and then down sorority row.  For whatever reason you feel like a young cooed just may be sitting outside and may look your way….maybe…

Halfway down that certain street…with the flowers blooming and immaculate landscaping….and the white columns….

you see her…

the world stops….time stands still…you don’t breathe….your eyes see the most beautiful…most captivating woman you have ever seen…….

………..in  a toga…….at a pre-game….for a toga party….at a sorority house!

You immediately call your friend!  His girlfriend is in that sorority!  She would know who this is….she’s gotta know!!  She tells you the girls name is Ashley!  ASHLEY!  “Hot Ashley” you call her!  “Hot Ashley from Birmingham!“ You gotta meet “Hot Ashley from Birmingham”…..

Then your friend and his girlfriend drop the bomb of all bombs on you!  “Hot Ashley from Birmingham” is engaged to one of your……..coworkers!  Yeah, tough news to take!  But even worse….the guy actually reports directly…TO YOU!!!!!!

AND THAT….MY UNFORTUNATE FRIEND…IS A PROBLEM!

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If you think the story above is a little early afternoon talkshow..ish!   IT IS! Its also

BIBLICAL!

“Hot Ashley from Birmingham” is not a person for those of you who are already on facebook typing Ashley, Birmingham into the search field!  She doesn’t exist….that I know of!  I mean, there are beautiful, intelligent women from Birmingham on many campuses around the country…but that’s not what’s important here!  (I did have a friend that was a Pi Phi my freshman year…but that’s the only coincidence….)

“Hot Ashley from Birmingham” can go by a different name!  We will now be referring to “Hot Ashley from Birmingham” by the name………

“Bathsheba”

Are you ready for this story?  Seriously though….grab glass of water!

David and Bathsheba

“11 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.

² One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, ³ and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” ⁴ Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.) Then she went back home. ⁵ The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”

So, do you need a minute to digest all of that!  I’ll give you a minute to get up and get a drink of water!

Ok…you good now!

David! David! David!  I just don’t know what to say about him right here other than…WOW!

Let me give you the post-game breakdown for all of you that think this was a harmless hookup!

David’s Pathway to Destruction:

1. David should have been somewhere else!  He should have been with his army at war!
2. He had given himself “Idle Time”!
3. He went for a  walk “on the roof of the King’s Palace”!
4. “His eyes saw a beautiful woman bathing!”  What was he looking for anyway?
5. He “sent and inquired about the woman”….in today’s culture, “Hey, isn’t that Bathsheba!?!?  She is fine!  Facebook her and see if she’s single….!”
6. The messengers took her….SHE CAME TO HIM….AND THEY WATCHED NETFLIX FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES!

Story is over, right!?  Well, NO!  Not by a long shot!

Thing is…a few weeks later….She comes to David and…..

Maury tells David that he is the Daddy…………KING DAVID FREAKS OUT !

 

Ok…so that wasn’t King David…and that DEFINITELY wasn’t Bathsheba!!!!

Our man David….”A man after God’s own heart”…is well on his way to some bad decisions!…….

⁶ So David sent this word to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent him to David.⁷ When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going. ⁸ Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.”So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him. ⁹ But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master’s servants and did not go down to his house.

David…David…David!  David is now hoping to “cover up” his slip-up!  Uriah, a man of strict integrity, who only wants to honor his God, his men, and King David’s army…. says, “NO!”….little does he EVER know….

¹⁰ David was told, “Uriah did not go home.” So he asked Uriah, “Haven’t you just come from a military campaign? Why didn’t you go home?”

¹¹ Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents,^[a] and my commander Joab and my lord’s men are camped in the open country. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and make love to my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!”

¹² Then David said to him, “Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. ¹³ At David’s invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master’s servants; he did not go home.

Man ..oh…Man!  David then thinks he can get Uriah drunk….get him to go home to his wife..and cover up his sin.  But once again….INTEGRITY WINS!  Uriah says, “NO!”

¹⁴ In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. ¹⁵ In it he wrote, “Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die.”

¹⁶ So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. ¹⁷ When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David’s army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.

Once David found that he could not Coerce Uriah…David gave Uriah his own death sentence to carry to the executioner……simply EVIL!!!

¹⁸ Joab sent David a full account of the battle. ¹⁹ He instructed the messenger: “When you have finished giving the king this account of the battle, ²⁰ the king’s anger may flare up, and he may ask you, ‘Why did you get so close to the city to fight? Didn’t you know they would shoot arrows from the wall? ²¹ Who killed Abimelek son of Jerub-Besheth[b]? Didn’t a woman drop an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Thebez? Why did you get so close to the wall?’ If he asks you this, then say to him, ‘Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.’”

²² The messenger set out, and when he arrived he told David everything Joab had sent him to say. ²³ The messenger said to David, “The men overpowered us and came out against us in the open, but we drove them back to the entrance of the city gate. ²⁴ Then the archers shot arrows at your servants from the wall, and some of the king’s men died. Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.”

²⁵ David told the messenger, “Say this to Joab: ‘Don’t let this upset you; the sword devours one as well as another. Press the attack against the city and destroy it.’ Say this to encourage Joab.”

²⁶ When Uriah’s wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. ²⁷ After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.”

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So, about that walk you took in the middle of the night to clear your head!

You remember?  You were supposed to be somewhere else…doing something else…with people who expected you there!?

Several years ago at a coaching clinic in Tuscaloosa,  Josh Niblett gave a presentation on his coaching philosophy and the Hoover High School Program.  He started the presentation off with the following quote….which I will leave as our weekly meditation…

“We expect this out of everyone in our program at Hoover High School!

Be Where you are supposed to be….

When you are supposed to be there…..

With Who you are supposed to be with….

Doing What you are supposed to be doing…

THE RIGHT WAY….The Way it is Supposed to be done!”

So, anyone want to Netflix and Chill after that….?

#CoachKD

#Gototheweightroominstead

It really is a simple question….

It can also require some serious introspection into where you currently are and what you are doing with your life.  It will cause you to start taking inventory of your education, finances, relational investments, community responsibilities……church membership even.  It will even make you take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror.

Maybe it’s not such a simple question after all!

While it may not be a simple question…it may be one of those life changing moments that you will look back on and see the difference it made!  Hopefully you have considered it before today.   I want to take this weeks message and ask you a series of questions to help jumpstart some self-discovery regarding where we are on the journey to becoming who we want to be.

Let me preface this with an explanation.  If you get the opportunity to speak to a doctor, lawyer, or CEO you will quickly find that these individuals had to pass through a process in order to be QUALIFIED for their title!

In order to practice the profession…you must EARN the title!  

An attorney, for example must attend college, law school, pass the BAR exam, and once licensed….can then start practicing law...in their particular state.   

A surgeon must also attend college, pass the MCAT’s, complete medical school, complete a residency, and then…..be given the opportunity to practice their craft.  (These are the preliminary steps in the respective processes, btw).

So, with that being said, I would like to ask each of you several questions:

– Who are you today?  Right now?  What defines your life occupationally? Personally?

– Who are you supervised by?  Does your supervising parent or guardian know your goals?

-What are you doing today for an occupation?  Is their a future in this occupation?

-Where do you want to be in 6 months?

-Where do you want to be in 1 year?

-Where do you want to be in 2 years?

-Where do you want to be in 5 years?

-What is your goal occupation?  Job title?  Geographic location for your goal occupation?

-How much will your goal take financially?  TIME? Relationally?

Carefully consider each of these questions!  Write them down and look at them over the course of the week.  Let each question settle on your conscious.  Really think about them.

The answers to your questions are limitless.  The opportunities that are available to you are only limited by your imagination.

So, I’m going to give you an example of how the questions can be answered if you wanted to be a……………….

College Football Coach.

– Who are you today?  Right now?  What defines your life occupationally? Personally?

College student. Taking 15 hours.  Steady girlfriend and part-time job at the University.

– Who are you supervised by?  Does your supervising parent or guardian know your goals?

Parents.  Professors. Campus Pastor.  Accountability Men’s Group at Church.  Some know my goals.  Some don’t.

-What are you doing today for an occupation?  Is their a future in this occupation?

Part-time job at the University.  No future except for connections and networking at the school.

-Where do you want to be in 6 months?

Preparing to graduate with my undergraduate degree.  BE ACCEPTED BY 3 GRADUATE SCHOOL PROGRAMS WITH FUNDING AS A GRADUATE ASSISTANT WITH A FOOTBALL PROGRAM.

-Where do you want to be in 1 year?

HALFWAY THROUGH MY FIRST YEAR OF GRAD SCHOOL AND IN MY FIRST SEASON AS A GRADUATE ASSISTANT FOR THE FOOTBALL PROGRAM.

-Where do you want to be in 2 years?

FINISHING A MASTERS DEGREE AND INTERVIEWING FOR FULL TIME POSITIONS AT COLLEGES ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

-Where do you want to be in 5 years?

WORKING AS A OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR AT A DIVISION I OR DIVISION IAA INSTITUTION.

-What is your goal occupation?  Job title?  Geographic location for your goal occupation?

HEAD FOOTBALL COACH AT AN SEC SCHOOL.

-How much will your goal take financially?  TIME? Relationally?

Financially:  Possibly volunteer at one or more schools until I am hired as a full time coach.

Time:  5-10 years with NO GUARANTEES!

Relationally:  Most relationships will need to understand my commitment and the time requirements of the occupation.

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Ok…OK…OK…take a deep breath!  You are in total control here!  It’s just time to start working toward the goal!  I know it can be either overwhelming or absolutely motivating.

One thing that I always think about when I get overwhelmed with my process is the journey itself.  I just frustrated just as much, if not more, than everyone else.  But I want you to think about something.

The bible is full of miracles.  Leper’s cleansed.  Sarah conceived. David beat Goliath. Jonathan deciding to climb that cliff.  The Red Sea parting.  I could go on and on here.  However, I want you to think about something.  Jesus was so driven about his role that he reminded  HIS DISCIPLES constantly of what He was there for.  Jesus is the Son of God!  The man!  The beginning and the End!  He is JESUS for crying out loud!  And even though He is the Great I Am….

Jesus had to look at His friends in the eye and say,

“Hey, this is where I’m going!  This is my goal!  Anything other than the GOAL is Unacceptable!”

The following is an exact excerpt from the ESV:

English Standard Version
But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

Jesus knew His destiny! He had answered His questions and that was HIS Destiny and HIS Destination!

Did He has distractions?  ……There were…..ATTEMPTS!

Please understand that your dedication to your goal will be tested! You must have an idea of who and where you are if you are going to get to the finish line! 

“The price is high…but so are the rewards!”-Coach Vince Lombardi

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Ladies and Gentlemen,

Where are you going?

Where are you today?

Tell me where you are starting from?

Are you surrounded by support…

Or are you surrounded by ATTEMPTS?

#COACHKD

#WHEREAREYOUGOING?