Let’s get some inconvenient truths out of the way…..
Some people are selfish….
Relationships can be work….
We all want genuine relationships…..
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Life is going to be difficult at times….but it can be less difficult with the right people…
As a coach, athlete, mentor, or well….any position for that matter, we all eventually deal with all types of different people. And I mean ALL TYPES!!!! Leaders of all types, including pastors will tell you how relationships can and do differ depending on where you are in life. Simply sit down with a college coach and we will begin to tell you recruiting stories that would make you laugh into tears. Speak with any athlete and they will tell you stories of people willing to do anything for tickets and autographs…..ANYTHING!
…which brings us to this weeks message:
Recognizing Conditional and Unconditional Relationships
When I started working as a strength and conditioning “Intern” I was re-introduced to the world of Division I college athletics. I had several seasons under my belt as an assistant at several high schools (some of which were high-profile). However, I immediately recognized the pressure and the process. The hours were long but I never noticed because I never felt as though I was “Working”! I loved every second! It was during one of those long days that I heard a line that would be burned into my soul. An assistant coach had called me into an individual meeting with a player. We were discussing the player’s performance academically, athletically, and spiritually while using self-guided discovery. Somewhere between discussing the weight room and their spiritual life…the assistant coach uttered the following statement:
“Don’t forget….NOT EVERYONE WHO IS WITH YOU IS FOR YOU!”
I vividly remember turning my head and staring at the coach…
NOT…..EVERYONE…..who….is….WITH…..YOU….is…FOR….YOU! It took me a second and I wrote it down in my notes. I knew this information somewhere, deep down in my subconscious but I don’t think I had ever put it into words. Immediately I had names come to my own mind that I knew were NOT FOR ME…but were around me and had influence.
It was a moment of clarity…….
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We all have these moments of clarity at different points in our lives. Some happen when we are children. Others happen as death strikes close to home. Many times the most painful moments of maturity happen relationally. This week an article was published about one of the most gifted players I have ever witnessed, Trent Richardson.
Trent Richardson’s friends spent 1.6 Million of his money in 10 months…..
Trent is a great person. And I’m not saying that just because he is an amazing athlete. I’m also not saying it because he possesses an absolute God-given gift in the weight room. When I was around him he was relatively quiet and I have always respected his work ethic and attitude! He is simply ….what you want on your team!
But the words in that article simply broke my heart! And this story is just one of many!
Conditional vs. Unconditional Relationships
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Approximately the same time I began working for the Division I school, I began to have access to football tickets. It wasn’t a big deal to me…..at first. I had student tickets as well and could always use the other tickets if I needed to. Co-workers usually had family coming into town and we would lend and use the tickets at will. Furthermore, former players would need extra seats and I….honestly…never thought anything about giving them to people. That is…until…..
I began to get calls from people I haven’t seen or spoken to in a decade. People whom the last time I had actually heard their name was in a pep rally…when we were in freakin HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!
I did what I could and was convenient. I may have went out of my way once or twice. Then, one Friday, yes….a dang FRIDAY, I received a call for…get this…
LSU TICKETS!
Needless to say, that wasn’t going to happen!
I completely forgot about the phone call as game day preparations were well underway and I continued my job. A week later I am talking to a friend at another school and they inform me that,
“They said their feelings are hurt because you didn’t get them tickets and didn’t return their call!”
These same people, when I took jobs in New York and Virginia, must have lost my number because I never got ticket requests, invites for dinner, or a “Been thinking about you….how you doing” text?
Conditional vs. Unconditional Relationships
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Let’s be real here! This message hits home for all of us.
At a certain point we all must realize that a number of people (we may consider friends) are only “with us” for the conditions we provide them.
For me, on a personal level….my lesson was learned when I was blessed (and I do mean blessed) with a torn ACL. In one of my toughest moments….several surgeries, a serious infection, and weeks of sleepless nights in the Hospital….. Only a small handful of people called and/ or came by the Hospital…..and one (Andy) came back 3 days in a row to challenge me!
-Where were all of my “friends”?
-Where were all of those people that were “ride or die”?
“Not everyone who was with me…..was FOR ME!”
Each year I see young, naive athletes step foot on a campus and immediately have two beautiful co-eds on each arm……..then when they don’t start or get media attention………the co-eds go back to the fraternity party chair or the bartender.
I see coaches finally get that big job and are immediately surrounded by people who have million dollar smiles and the black credit cards to back it up. They quickly have to decide who to invest their time with and who wants them to “spend” their time.
Most of us must learn the hard way… the difference between conditional and unconditional relationships.
We all need to STOP and find our “Set Point” in each area of our lives.
We must sit down and ask ourselves tough questions regarding where we stand personally, mentally, spiritually, physically, romantically, and financially.
We must find ways to connect deeper with our core group of people that care about us…regardless of what the press and/or bank account says.
We must make difficult decisions on where we are in life and WHO we need to have around us!
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The following links are simply some material that all of us need to read, understand, and place in permanent memory.
10 Reasons NFL Players go Bankrupt
Just in Case: The Life of an NFL Journeyman
and just for kicks:
The top 10 highest paid athletes and their wives….
The 11 highest paid female athletes in the world.
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The bottom line here is simply:
“Not everyone with you …..is for you!”
Who do you want to talk to when you have to make the following decisions?
-Where should I go to school?
-Should I stay for my senior year or enter the draft?
-Should I take the job in Birmingham or move to Montana?
-Should I take the jump and pursue my passion or wait for another opportunity?
If you are not 100% confident in the names that came to mind….I urge you this week to seek honest answers to difficult questions and start the cleansing process. One thing I have learned in my life is…and this is this week’s meditation:
the longer you delay cleansing areas of your life…the more expensive it will be emotionally and collaterally.
If you are emotionally ready to take a step in the right direction….I encourage you to look into the following books. They have helped me in many ways including making judgement on WHO I invest in and to what level I allow them in…..
Chasing Daylight–Erwin McManus
The Way of the Seal–Mark Devine
The Road Less Traveled–M. Scott Peck
Power vs. Force–David R. Hawkins, MD
As always….let’s get better this week!
#COACHKD
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