Some members of the animal kingdom seem to have their priorities right and are able to teach “us humans” a thing or two.  As I admire God’s creation, I am always amazed at the beauty that surrounds us.  There are lions, of course, that get the bulk of the complimentary labels.  Then come the tigers, eagles, elephants, and so on.  One day, as I was reading the courageous story of a pastor from Roswell, Ga and his step of faith toward his passion, I came across a random fact that I just had to research….

I had to chase some Buffalo…..

At the time, I had been living in the area known as the ArkLaTex (the junction of the states of Louisiana, Texas, and Arkansas) and I received word of an establishment called the DO GOOD Store located at the Bossier City Boardwalk.

After I investigated the hours of operation (they are only open one weekend a month), I decided to make the trek to Shreveport from Texarkana.  The store was full of items that are supported by ministries or projects dedicated to doing…you guessed it…”Good.”

There were:

-backpacks for sale that, if you purchased one, the manufacturer would provide a backpack to a child in need.  

-tshirts raising funds and assistance for Louisiana flood victims.

-water bottles that purified water and upon purchasing one such bottle, you would help finance water filtration systems in impoverished areas of the world.

and one of my favorites…..

-coffee from the Thousand Hills Coffee Company founded by Jonathan David Golden.  Read their story at this link:  The Land of a Thousand Hills Coffee Company.

All of these business ideas were started with the goal of “Doing Good” and helping the world become a better place.  EACH AND EVERY ONE!  Political allegiances not required!  Red States, Blue States, Purple States, Crazy States……. ALL of these individuals had a plan to help the world and the business plans were so compelling that investors jumped at the opportunity to help them succeed.

In a word, these people had come together and decided to become ….

BUFFALO!

See, most people, animals, and well….living things have a genetic disposition of running from things.  Whether its a call from a debt collector, Sallie Mae, a doctor’s appointment, a storm, or a psychopath supervisor, we all have an instinct to “I&E”….(Ignore and Evacuate)!

On the other hand, there are some people seem who to face these things head on and keep trucking.  It’s as if it is in their blood and engrained in their genetic material.  These people are like buffalo….

The Buffalo is rather unique in the way it handles foul weather.  While most animals are finding shelter and hunkering down….the buffalo does something very different.  They form a hierarchy of health and ability.  In ways that we will never know, they arrange their groups so that the extremely young, old, and those of ill-health are gathered in the middle of the herd.  Then……..wait for it….

They face the storm head-on and trek through it…as a Herd!

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As I sat and pondered the tie-in of how buffalo and humans oppose in their strategies, I began to do some serious introspection.  I looked back and saw that many of the tough times in my life were directly due to me delaying and avoiding storms.

Whether it was finances, negative people, spiritual immaturity, or just plain youth,  I noticed a strong correlation between facing the challenge and my happiness!   Then, I began to take notes on….(get ready)……on WHO I CHOSE to have in my life (or herd) at those crucial, tough times.

Guess what I found?

I found that in the majority of those cases, I was not “protected by the herd!” In fact, I wasn’t protected by anyone….I wasn’t even protecting myself!  In other words, I had made a personal decision to surround myself with people who were looking out for…..THEMSELVES!  And that, my friends and colleagues, is no way to go through life.  In the wild, much like our day-to-day lives, selfishness gets you left behind and fighting for your life!

As much as we all want to place blame on others and dispatch ownership of our unhappiness on those around us, it’s important to remind ourselves that the storm is coming….REGARDLESS if we deserve it or not. We must come to the realization that each one of us has a purpose!  We have a responsibility to  make the world a better place…..to make the Herd stronger!

There are people in the world that have figured this fact out!  There are people like Jonathan Golden of Roswell, Ga.  There are people like Erwin McManus of Pasadena, Ca.  These people have discovered the importance of DOING GOOD…..Of helping those around them and watching the HERD organize to support itself.  People that took a step into a world of need and decided to help the masses.

We….erh….I am still learning how to prioritize my Herd.  I am still learning who needs to be in the middle and who can help me fight.

This week ask yourself the following questions….

-What is your passion?

-How can you use your passion to leave a positive impact on the world?

-Who are you surrounding yourself with?

-Are you surrounded with people you care about and who will protect you?

-What is that idea that you can’t get out of your head?

Whatever it is….spend this week chasing some Buffalo!

#CoachKD

The words usually come at just the right time!  

Usually, a tense situation has risen and time is of the essence. 

Pressure is mounting.

The muscles around your neck and shoulders begin to tighten.

A decision must be made…..An action must be taken……

At just that moment someone close to you speaks absolute poetry into your ears.  The words enter your ear canals and sink directly into your subconscious.  A feeling similar to courage begins to build somewhere deep in your chest…….

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Every one of us have experienced those moments in life. You may be about propose to the woman of your dreams.  You may have been given 24 hours to decide on a job offer. You may finally have the opportunity to buy that house for your family.  Better yet, you may be in the surf zone in Coronado, California.  Whatever the situation, you are on DEFCON 5 and your senses are fully engaged.  Fear is a real thing and you can feel your heartbeat through your chest.

A friend, your spouse, or teammate is standing beside you and utters 4 words that connect you back to reality:

“I’ve Got Your Back!”

4….little….words!  Four words that one uses to promise support mentally, spiritually, and if necessary, PHYSICALLY!  Four words that communicate loyalty!  Four words that speak a war-ready attitude and willingness to be your blind-side support.

The following story communicates one such situation.  When life was beckoning and the moment arose for these young men to act……….someone spoke up and affirmed loyalty…..”he had his friends back”….

………heart and soul!

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1 Samuel 14New International Version (NIV)

14 ¹ One day Jonathan son of Saul said to his young armor-bearer, “Come, let’s go over to the Philistine outpost on the other side.” But he did not tell his father.

² Saul was staying on the outskirts of Gibeah under a pomegranate tree in Migron.With him were about six hundred men, ³ among whom was Ahijah, who was wearing an ephod. He was a son of Ichabod’s brother Ahitub son of Phinehas, the son of Eli, the Lord’s priest in Shiloh. No one was aware that Jonathan had left.

⁴ On each side of the pass that Jonathan intended to cross to reach the Philistine outpost was a cliff; one was called Bozez and the other Seneh. ⁵ One cliff stood to the north toward Mikmash, the other to the south toward Geba.

⁶ Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, “Come, let’s go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.”

⁷ “Do all that you have in mind,” his armor-bearer said. “Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul.”

⁸ Jonathan said, “Come on, then; we will cross over toward them and let them see us. ⁹ If they say to us, ‘Wait there until we come to you,’ we will stay where we are and not go up to them. ¹⁰ But if they say, ‘Come up to us,’ we will climb up, because that will be our sign that the Lord has given them into our hands.”

¹¹ So both of them showed themselves to the Philistine outpost. “Look!” said the Philistines. “The Hebrews are crawling out of the holes they were hiding in.” ¹² The men of the outpost shouted to Jonathan and his armor-bearer, “Come up to us and we’ll teach you a lesson.”

So Jonathan said to his armor-bearer, “Climb up after me; the Lord has given them into the hand of Israel.”

¹³ Jonathan climbed up, using his hands and feet, with his armor-bearer right behind him. The Philistines fell before Jonathan, and his armor-bearer followed and killed behind him. ¹⁴ In that first attack Jonathan and his armor-bearer killed some twenty men in an area of about half an acre.

“Im with you heart and soul!”

“Do all that you have in mind!”

……..I’ve Got Your Back!

Today, as your meditate on success and current events in your life…..ask yourself these questions.   Focus on each word as your meditate.

-Have you ever had someone express their loyalty at just the right moment?

-In a moment of shear fear……have you received a call or text letting you know that you were not alone?

-Have you ever taken a step in faith when you knew someone “Had your Back!”?

-More importantly, have you ever felt compelled to give someone a statement of your loyalty?

Now, filter out distractions and define words such as loyalty, commitment, faith, and trust.  What memories do these words spring up from your subconscious?

The following video is a clip from the movie “Act of Valor”.   When I see this clip I am reminded that

Loyalty costs something.  

Loyalty forces you to sacrifice…to be uncomfortable!  

Loyalty mean commitment and keeping your word when it is the last thing you want to do……

Loyalty means honoring those you love and having the character to do the right thing!

Loyalty means not uses excuses!

So, in honor of my father and people who have served and are serving…..HOOOYAHH!

Gentlemen, if you have ever played ball for me……you have heard these words before as we take the field.  You have yelled them at the top of lungs in pre-dawn hours in New York, Virginia, and countless other cities.

My family has heard these words over the years…..and like I tell my cousin Chris Clark before his shift as a police officer,

“I’ve Got Your Back!!! And You Have My Back!  Do Your Job and Get Back Home Safe! I love you Cuz!”

Today,  let that person know that  “You have their back!”  and like the armor bearer said to Jonathan in a moment that changed the world…..

⁷ “Do all that you have in mind,” his armor-bearer said. “Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul.”

“I’ve got your back!”

#CoachKD

So you finally had a chance to sit down and RELAX after the holiday season. You have been back to work for a day or two and have tried to get back into a “routine”.   Something, however, just doesn’t feel the way it once did.

Was it the 10 lbs. of your aunt’s potato salad you crushed since Thanksgiving?  Maybe….  

Was it the additional debt you accumulated buying gifts for your sister’s quadruplets?  Possibly…..  

Or could it possibly be that the time you were able to spend with your loved ones made you see life a little differently?    Probably…..

For countless unnamed reasons, American’s return from the holidays and according to Unhappy People in the workplace 43% of workers are UNHAPPY with their current job!  Yes, you read that correctly!  43 out of 100 people in YOUR office are unhappy to the point they will admit to it and ACT ON LOOKING FOR NEW EMPLOYMENT!

So, what in the world in going on here?!  What is the reason for this post holiday “paradigm shift”!?!?  I asked several friends, colleagues, and overheard side conversations to come up with the following list of quotes…..

-“My holidays were great!  We had a great time with the kids.  We took them to (blank) and had a blast.  I really wish I could spend more time with them.  There is just so much pressure at work right now and they are cutting jobs….!  If I could just find time to start my own business!”

-“I’ve been thinking lately, ‘Is the money even worth it?’.  I mean, I’m on the road for half the year!  I wake up and it’s December…and I’m still not free!  I need to find something to get into to start my own business!”

-“This Christmas I spent some time examining my values and comparing them to my career track!  Something has to give!  I want to work for me!”

-“I’m tired! I finally felt like I was able to relax right after New Year’s and then it was back to the Grind!  I need a vacation from my vacation!”

-“My boss called me at least once a day!  Twice on Christmas!  Twice!  Who the heck works on Christmas?!  I told her I was on monster.com browsing….  I need a plan!”

It seems that we are collectively looking at our lives and re-aligning what is most important to us.  Most of us…yes, US…. never really disconnect from our workday.  Regardless if a given career involves a board room, coaches office, sales route, or operating room…..we almost always bring our mental checklists home.

Cell phones still ring….

Texts never stop…….

And our Laptops….they never close……

Our personal lives have become the seasonal jobs that our parents and grandparents talked about.  We work ourselves to the brink….and then attempt to salvage what is left for our loved ones.  (And we wonder why from 1999-2012, American’s Use of Antidepressants DOUBLED)

Why so many people are on edge and discontented!!!???

 Remember our little statistic from salary.com? ???   GET THIS:  We are so on edge because 43 out of 100 people (and I suspect a lot more than that), are absolutely MISERABLE in their jobs…..the place they spent a minimum of 40 hours a week!  According to this The American work week article, most full-time Americans are logging over 47 hours a week….with nearly 4 of 10 report working 50+ hours a week.  

Anything you work on for 50+ hours a week…..will eventually force you to answer the following question:

DO WE EVEN KNOW WHO THE HECK “WE” ARE ANYMORE!?

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As a small exercise, answer the following questions as brutally and honestly as you can:

-When was the last time (specifically) that you had fun?

-When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and SMILED?

-What is your personal Ethos?  (the guiding beliefs of a person, group, or organization)

-Name the 5 things you value most in your personal life:

-Name the top 5 sacrifices that progressing in your career will require of you:

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In 2017, the absolute best gift we can give our loved ones is an impassioned, driven, happy US!  We owe it to ourselves to identify where we are and make decisions for a better us!

Dr. Kevin Elko said it best in his Monday Morning Cup of Inspiration titled, “Make It Happen”!

http://www.drelko.com/inspiration/

Here is what I have learned over the past decade.  Happiness is a word that can only be defined by the individual.  While one person may work in a cubicle for 40 years and be happy….I simply cannot do that!  Working off the Louisiana coast on an oil platform is the only way to live for many people…while even holding a philips head screwdriver gives some anxiety.  Point is:  we have to stop asking every person around us for their opinion and learn how to identify what makes us tick!

We can only hold those around us accountable for so much!  Eventually, we have to decide to look at ourselves in the mirror and find a way to smile.

Don’t ever be one of those 43 people in that statistic!

Strive to never say you were forced “WORKED” 50+ hours a week!

Find what you are passionate about and people will suddenly start feeding off your energy!

Find that thing that wakes you up and forget the snooze button!

Most importantly,  find YOURSELF!

Go Get 2017!

Coach KD

I usually don’t get nervous……

Anxiety on the other hand…that’s definitely an issue for me!

There have been moments in my life where my nerves really kicked in….such as big games and interviews.  But some of the worst cases of anxiety/nerves for me have been….THE SEMI-BLIND DATE!

I admit to this only because of the topic of this weeks message.

Recently, I have noticed a modern day phenomenon…..“Tinder Nerves”!

So I’m sitting at a Starbucks on Hwy 280 in Birmingham, AL.  I was engrossed in a book I had been trying to finish for some time and from periodically I would glance around to see the cycling in of new customers.

During one of these “breaks” a young professional sat down a seat away from me and I could tell she was really nervous…..no…no…REALLY nervous!  My pastoral heart got the better of me and I smiled and asked her how her day was.

The young lady (whom we will call Beth for anonymity) blushed and said, “Can you tell I’m nervous and a little uncomfortable?”

I chuckled and said “Not at all!  I just thought it would be nice to say hello!”

Then the avalanche of information began…..the following is an excerpt of what she told me in next 5 minutes….

“Look, I know this sounds crazy but I agreed to meet a tinder date here!  ‘ never done this before and I’m a little nervous/excited/scared etc…  We have been texting on and off for a week and I just realized we have never talked in person!  He could be a robot!  Seriously! He may not even show up because he is a robot!  OMG!!! What if he really is a robot…or he took another persons pic and put it on Tinder!  What if he …erh…the bot….is friends with people I’m friends with on Facebook and they find out!?  OMG….what am I doing with my life?!   Why did I agree to do this!  I am so stupid!! What was I thinking?”

After I realized I was witnessing a full-tilt, full intensity freakout…..a woman nearby and I tried to calm her!   I used my old trick to avoid any solicitation for relationship advice by throwing out, “Look, I’m 35 and single so I’m probably not the person to seek for relationship advice!  Just sayin….”

That zinger is usually good for a laugh but she immediately threw it right back at me!

‘Beth’ said, “Oh NO!!  What if I get to 35 and I’m single!  That cannot happen!”

Suddenly I wasn’t laughing……………………but everyone else was!!!!

About that time, a young twenty-something with a hipster look and Ray Ban’s strolled in the front door.  He glanced around the room and when his eyes found our nervous (and rather insensitive) new friend, his eyes lit up!

We found our “Romeo”!

The young man introduced himself and before her $6.00 Macchiato could cool off, they were laughing and talking about how awkward those meetings can be.  Before I knew what was going on….they were walking out to her car together…

I left that Starbucks with two distinct thoughts.

1.  I just witnessed a true example of dating in our current social construct.
2.  I have to get some better zingers that can’t be thrown back at me.

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The ways we approach relationships have changed…..

Food For thought:

The link below is very useful!

In 1980, the average marrying age was 24.7 for men and 22 for women!

The average Marrying Age TODAY!!!

According to Flowing Data, today

the average marrying age for Women is…26 years old.  

The average marrying age for Men is ……28 years old…….

Times, they are ‘a changing’!  We are settling down later.  We are prioritizing our lives with education, career, and ambition. Our lives are evolving….

If you have spent any amount of time with college-aged population you know that those individuals are searching for the same things that everyone searches for throughout life!

 Companionship!

Communication!

The ironic part is,  no one has a clue about how to find those relational goals, but they are EXPECTED to be fulfilled those roles.  Young people and twenty-somethings are frantically trying to navigate school and career.  As the process extends into their late 20’s, they discover other areas of their lives that are severely underdeveloped.  As a result….

We, as a generation, are now more isolated than ever…and we don’t know what to do about it!

At some point in our lives we begin seriously searching for a mate.  We date around our  colleges and our communities.  We continue to look for that person that we want to invest our lives into.

While we are frantically climbing the ladder of success……you look around and see that your friendships and interpersonal relationships are suffering.

Your friends? You will see them when you all come back to the alma mater once a year!

Your family?  There’s always Christmas…or maybe next year..

Your dating life?  (I’ve been guilty of this)Hold on, work is calling I really need to take this call….

So what do we do to remedy the issue?

In college, we joined the cultural exercise of heading to the bar.  This carries over into the corporate world. I know this one because I took part in this myself!  We go…We socialize….seeking friendships and if you are lucky….instead of getting a few Phi Mu and Pi Phi phone numbers…you may network yourself into a big job or business deal!  We leave…..look down at our phones….and begin thinking about the next day.

A few days later……we wake up and do it all over again…because:

…our social constructs about dating, relationships, and intimacy, have and ARE changing….but expectations and social norms have not!

Your Mom and Dad, probably just like mine,  still ask the same questions at family functions…

“When are you gonna?  Any prospects? Oh well, how’s work!?”

So how do we fix the issue?!  The following are steps that I decided to take when I started graduate school to get my relationships up to par:

1.  As a former co-worker of mine would say, “If you find yourself in a hole, STOP DIGGING!”  Start an introspection of where you are deficient in your life….and Stop digging the hole!
2. Be honest with yourself….but not to the point of getting depressed.  Take a look at your social groups and any romantic relationships you have or THINK you have.  Are they constructive?  Is positive energy coming from them?  Are….they…..LONG TERM???  If not, it’s time to move along.
3. Be honest with those closest to you.  HINT:  They already know and are willing to help you in the process.
4. Be open to the idea that there is someone out there that needs to meet YOU!!!!!!!
5. Have a plan for a second date…and third… and fourth..and…. 
6. FYI:  having plans for the 10th date will require some deep considerations of what you bring to the relationship and conversations about where your career path is taking you….BE PREPARED!
7. Once you find it…PURSUE IT AND COMMUNICATE!  There are no guarantees in life.  But it you don’t try, you will never know!

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In closing, I know this is a sensitive subject to many.  But as mentors, educators, and leaders we must try to understand the social changes that are taking place in front of us.  We must understand that when our players and young people come to us for advice its because….

they have no clue what they are doing!!

We must accept that times are changing and just as we look desperately for answers in our own complicated lives, our young people are trying to navigate this thing called life as well. In some way,  we are all trying to navigate something…

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Recently, while having a group discussion with a former player regarding the “When should I call the woman I can’t stop thinking about” conundrum, one of my long time mentors interjected advice worthy of a Nicholas Sparks novel…..

After listening to the players dilemma, he walked up to all of us and said,

“Gentlemen, let me give you some advice that is dear to my heart….Kiddo, if you are thinking about her, let her know! If you want to hear her voice, call her!  And if you want to see her….tell her!   Sometimes all she wants is a little affirmation! Be honest and to the point..that’s what she wants. Oh, and if it isn’t what she wants….it ain’t what you want anyway!  Either way, you better have a plan for 2nd down!  Any guy with a smile can make a 1st down play.  Have a plan to have her beside you in the 4th quarter!”

Maybe I should have told that new awkward couple at Starbucks that quote…

Maybe in the time it took her to sip down that $6.00 macchiato….she was able to calm down and realize this was a possibly a very good thing…and she deserves that….Tinder Match or not!

Maybe those two that “Swiped Right” are ready to meet someone and don’t really care what the constructs are…..

Maybe those people we make fun of on dating sites are ready for a change…

Maybe they are trying to develop a plan…..

At least they have a clue what they are doing!

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This week, take a look at your social expectations and see how/if the world is changing in comparison.

You may find out that you could be saving yourself a lot of time…and data!

Oh yeah, and…….

“you better have a plan and know what you are doing!!”

#COACHKD

Everyone has a story…

Every story can be told many different ways….

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The picture has faded over the years.  The edges are lined with a cotton-like fray from years of sitting in my wallet on game days and surviving the countless moves from state to state.  The once bright, high-definition photo now resembles one of those old portraits from the 1900’s that great-grandparents have hanging proudly in their hallways….the one’s that have an oval shape and a figure standing stoically for the photographer.  It’s simply a picture of my mom and dad at my Nanny Alberta’s house.

A priceless photo….A reminder…..

Take a stroll through any place with history.  Take Yankee Stadium for example…  The walls are full of photos and people from another time and era.  But as you look around, those people are standing…..WHERE YOU ARE STANDING!   Literally, in the spot where you are standing!  Babe Ruth smoking a cigar, holding a bat.  DiMaggio resting the bat on his shoulder as he talks to fans. Ted Williams with his legendary swing!  And don’t forget the fans…oh my gosh…the crowd.  The suits, the hats, the clothing of the era…..  

Pictures and photographs, like the one I keep with me, have a way of reminding us of people and experiences.  Places and times that we choose to look back on and moments that made a lasting impression on our lives.  Maybe its as simple as a fishing trip your family took as a child.   Maybe it was a pet you had at your grandparents house.  Or maybe it was one of these……

The freshly cut grass at Fulton County Stadium before an Atlanta Braves game.  

The waves crashing onto the beach on Longboat Key.  

The way your date’s dress looked the first time you took her out.  

Places and people bring feelings of happiness and joy.  Experiences that calm us…and some that motivate us!

This week I have a simple question for you…What pictures do you carry…not just with you…but in your mind…in that drawer at home?!

A few days ago I was walking the halls of my alma mater and I was looking over the gallery of photographs of National Championship celebrations in Pasadena, Miami, and Glendale.  I paused and gave an inquisitive stare at a picture of Mark Ingram crossing the goal line with Terrance Cody leading the way.

As I stared, a flood of memories came back to me.  The Southern California weather, Pepperdine at Malibu, the Santa Monica Pier, the Kardashian’s store, and the Rose Bowl (and nearly wrecking a Red Dodge Charger)!!!  It seemed like just a few months ago I was standing there in warm Pasadena twilight as the stadium remained Crimson…then I realized how long ago it felt.

Memories…of people…and an experience….

Later that day, while recruiting, I ran into an old friend.  As we were catching up, he showed me a picture of us fishing on the Tombigbee River….more than 10 years ago.  The photo made me laugh out loud.  A group of 5 of us were standing on a boat holding a stringer of fish…..we looked rough…but full of life!  My friend and I laughed…..reminisced about those trips and how life had changed. He asked me about my old step-side truck…and I asked him if he still had his Labrador Retriever.

A photograph…a moment…an experience in the lives of 6 people….

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Sometime this week, take a few minutes and browse through the photos on your phone, on your computer, and in that shoebox you keep in your office or closet.

Spend a few minutes reminiscing over the memories and reminding yourself of those moments and the experiences they remind you of.  These photos can also remind you of times that you were forced to grow….

-Photos of a job you hated….

-Pictures of a class trip you took and were not feeling well.

-or……take a breath…..pictures of a relationship from years ago…

All of these pictures tell a story….

Reflect on the person you were in those photos and the journey that has led to where you are now…..

Many times, a simple look back at the person you “WERE” is enough to make some big decisions seem easy.  Every once in a while, the answer is in the past…

Ladies and Gentlemen, during certain seasons of life we look back with joy.  Other times, we have to mature and examine where we have been…….in order to see where the next step may be!  That is why…..

There is power in those photos…….

There are emotions in those experiences….

There is MOTIVATION in those pictures……

There are reminders scattered throughout the albums of our lives that tell the story of who we are, where we have been, and who we have known….

Sometimes we owe it to ourselves to take a walk through those albums….

to see where we are going…..

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It’s funny what we remember about people….

I vividly remember walking into my neighbor’s house and hundreds of pictures were all over the house.  I’m not talking about ZAPS from a Greek Function at Ole Miss.... This is much more invested and meaningful than that!   I’m talking about how people in generations before us loved to take pictures.  They loved to catch moments and use them to tell our stories.  And the pictures would be introduced like this…….

-“This is my sister Jane.  She lives in California, has 3 awesome boys…you should meet them…they are incredible!  They are going to San Diego next week!”

-“That is my niece KK.  She is really going places.  She is in college at a big University in Georgia. “

-“That picture is of my friend Melissa’s boy….he comes by and takes care of the yard once a week.  He has basically started his own business…”

Our Pictures….

Our People……

Our Stories…..

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As busy as our lives are…and as time melts away…..we must spend time investing in each other and “taking pictures”.  Those pictures are going to extremely valuable to you and the and those who are close to you.  Why, you may ask? Because…..

“It’s more than just a photo……” 

What stories and photos do you need to remind yourself of?

What memories do you need to revisit?

What direction are YOU and the people in your Camera Roll going?

We are having a human experience that no person has EVER lived before and will EVER live again.

It’s time to remind yourself to LIVE and start making Memories!!!

Hope you guys have a great week!

#CoachKD

The alarm goes off!   We hit snooze….

The alarm goes off again…….   We peer at our iphone half asleep and try to touch the snooze button again (usually holding the iphone awkwardly in a position we normally wouldn’t).

We sit up…or roll out…of bed and place our feet on the ground.  The first stop is the bathroom.  We do our deal….and we brush our teeth.  We grab a towel (if we don’t forget) and jump in for a shower.  We usually have an internal clock of how much time we have to take aforementioned shower.  “It’s 6:07!  I need to be out of the shower by 6:15″…..

We get out of the shower and put on each layer of clothing…..

We grab our wallet, keys, briefcase, protein shake…and give one last glance around the room…and we are off to chase the American dream…

Sound like your average morning….?

The description of the morning routine above is the average morning of most Americans today.

At that point, our lives separate via Chevrolet, Toyota, Subway, and Southwest Airways into millions of locations and job titles…..responsibilities and relationships!   Banks, schools, employment offices, and hospitals.  Foundries, factories, and refineries.  Museums, government agencies, and non-profits.

Literally, millions of different occupations and physical locations…..all pursuing this idea called ………..

I must admit….this subject has really been weighing on my mind for the past few years.  Mainly, a simple question…

What….makes…us….successful?

If you really sit down and attempt to write down your own, personal definition of success you may experience a little writers block. You will start to write but your pen will stop just before your put thought on paper.  Your stuck…….

So, let’s ask a few serious questions:

-Is YOUR success a measurement of financial status?  Does your definition of success depend directly on your net worth or your salary?

-Is YOUR success a measurement of a title?  Does your success depend on obtaining the CEO label?  Maybe a Ph.D?  Better yet, will you only consider yourself successful when you become a Head Coach?

-Is YOUR success a measurement of fame?  Does your success depend on “making it big on the main stage”?  Do you dream of public adoration (playing music at Red Rocks…or giving speeches in front of massive crowds)…

-Is YOUR success a measurement of Power?  Does your success depend on the amount of power you can exude and number of people you can control?

-Is YOUR success a measurement of relationship(s)?  Does your success depend on who your girlfriend or boyfriend is?  Does it depend on who you are dating…married to?  Better yet, (I have to go there)…is your success measured by sexual conquest?

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Everyone, regardless of where you are from or what your title is, has to define success for themselves at some point in life….sometimes several times.

As I attempted to navigate and define the term of success for myself I began to look to individuals I respected and started to see several similarities…..

Served as Head Coach for 25 years and the current Athletic Director of the University of Nebraska Cornhusker Athletic Department.

Author, filmmaker, and designer.  He is founder and Lead Pastor of Mosaic Church in Los Angeles, California.  Mosaic started out by placing churches in BARS.  Yes, BARS!  Cleaning them up Saturday Night and having service Sunday!

Former Penn State football player who suffered a spinal cord injury that ended his football career.  One year from the day of his injury….. he lead the Lions onto the field.  In turn, was MY motivation to get over my knee injuries and subsequent surgeries.

And finally………

Brodie Croyle is the Administrator of the Big Oak Ranch in Springville, AL.  Croyle was the Quarterback for The University of Alabama as well as with the Kansas City Chiefs.  Today, he works to change the lives of children across the state of Alabama and the world.

PS>Check out his blog….

Brodie Croyle’s Blog

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As I thought about these men and their lives, something began to stand out.

Years from now, long after Jesus has called us all home…..people will mention each of these men and say,

“Well done, Good and Faithful Servant!”

These men are leaving a legacy!  They are changing lives!  These men are defining their success by the lives they impact and have impacted along the way.

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This week, I recommend you look internally as your own definition of success.

I recommend asking yourself the following questions:

-My definition of success:

-My definition of relational success:

-My definition of love:

-My definition of faith:

-My definition of …..LEGACY:

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So tomorrow morning when your iphone alarm starts ringing and halfway open your left eye to hit snooze.

Ask yourself who, what, and why you are actually getting out of bed.  

Your answers may surprise you…

So……Just to stimulate thought….and for a little feedback…..

I want to leave you with some scripture.  Read it two or three times over the course of half a day.  Then, text, call, or comment at the bottom of the blog how you think the scripture directs your thinking……

Matthew 25:14-30

The Parable of the Talents

¹⁴ “For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants^[a] and entrusted to them his property. ¹⁵ To one he gave five talents,^[b] to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. ¹⁶ He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. ¹⁷ So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. ¹⁸ But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master’s money. ¹⁹ Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. ²⁰ And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’ ²¹ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.^[c] You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ ²² And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.’ ²³ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ ²⁴ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, ²⁵ so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’ ²⁶ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? ²⁷ Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. ²⁸ So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. ²⁹ For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. ³⁰ And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Let me know where you thoughts are….

#COACHKD

I simply can’t help it!!!!

When traveling, I like to have an idea of college towns that I will be passing through.  If possible (and it’s not too far out-of-the-way), I like to get a glimpse of the given institutions facilities.  Most importantly, their FOOTBALL STADIUM!!

Today, as our team buses drove through Baton Rouge, LA I had another chance to see the home of the Bayou Bengals!  I timed it just right as we drove over the mighty Mississippi River!  I gazed south toward the bayou and caught a glimpse of Death Valley.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I am not a die-hard LSU fan. I’m simply drawn to those buildings….

 I’m drawn to what they represent.

I’m drawn to the pageantry and pride that each institution places in these landmarks.

I’m also drawn to memories on foggy, humid fall nights.  The smell of grass and paint.  Battle cries from fans and the anxiety of a state as their heroes gallop onto the gridiron.

One may say….these icons have a way of haunting me!

As football season kicks off, I always have a rush of memories.  This year, as we prepared for our first opponent, my mind drifted back to Bryant-Denny Stadium in 1999.  The Crimson Tide was playing the Mississippi State Bulldogs on a humid and foggy night in Tuscaloosa. I’ll never forget how the sound of the crowd seemed to stay under the fog for the entire game.  I remember the face-paint!  I remember the Alabama Greek Section!  I remember my date for the game wearing my jacket after a few adult beverages rained down from above.

It was loud!

It was intense!

It was SEC FOOTBALL!

As the years have passed I have noticed a distinct shift in my thinking.  I am still drawn to these icons of American sport….the Rose Bowls, the Texas State Fair, The Swamp, Kyle Field!!  However, as drawn to them as I am, I now pair them with memories and relationships, and dreams!

 I will always remember…

….the anticipation that we had before flying out to Pasadena in 2009 for the National Championship.  And the hugs exchanged when the game was over!  And the quote from Coach Carter Blount, “Let’s go get another one”…….

…..staying in western North Carolina the night before the Tennessee/Alabama game in with friends and driving to Rocky Top that Saturday morning.

…..the silence of Sanford Stadium in Athens, Ga on that fall night in 2008 when the “Blackout occurred!” and high-fiving our players as we headed back to Tuscaloosa.

….. those pregame prayers in the football building at Tuscaloosa County High School.. and holding my players and fellow coaches hands before we went to war.

…….Coach Dan Newell’s prayer in the locker room at Hampden-Sydney.  It still gives me chills years later.

and here is the biggest one…..

Watching these young men and coaches pursue their dreams!

….and maybe more importantly….

Remembering what dreams have we have ignored or tried to forget?

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This week I want to pose a few questions that hopefully will stir something inside you!

What dream have you let become dormant?

What goal have you always wanted to obtain?

What is it in your soul that just won’t stay silent? 

In the early morning hours…on nights that you can’t sleep…what does your heart bring to mind?

What personal “football stadiums” are out there to remind you of your God Given Talents?

We all have a purpose in this world!  We owe to ourselves and those around us to pursue those gifts with everything we have!

You may have to quit your comfortable job…

You may have to leave your comfortable life….

You may have to leave your well-paying job in South Florida?

But eventually, you have to jump!  

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I was sitting in a hospital parking lot in Texarkana, TX!  I was working for an AWESOME company traveling the country working with incredible doctors and incredible people.  I had been called in early in the morning and was about to walk in to work.  As I scanned down through social media….I found this video and in turn….awoke my spirit…

This week, all I want to do is stir that dream inside of your soul!  I want you to drive by your personal “football stadium” and awaken your personal gifts and dreams!  I want you to feel that fear and freedom!  The ups and downs!  The dependence on God himself!

I want you to wake up and feel alive with anticipation and nervousness!  I want your palms to be sweaty and I want you to look in the mirror and see a natural …..SMILE!

Do you feel called to be a minister…start an ARC church?   DO IT!!!

Do you feel called to be a coach?  DO IT!!!

Do you want to go back to school to finish that degree?  DO IT NOW!!!!

Do you want to adopt a child?  DO IT!!!!

Do you want to move to Florida and live on the beach?  Make it happen!!!!

Do…You…Want…To…Be….Happy?  That’s your choice.

I don’t know what each of your dreams and aspirations are!  But I do know the beauty in seeing someone fulfill their purpose!  And if I can encourage you to simply pursue your purpose…then I’m living my dream!

I’ve jumped….

I’ve been scared doing it…

I’ve had to rely on God….for everything….

I’ve doubted myself and questioned myself in the middle of it…

But….I did it! And it’s LIFE that I’m pursuing.

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This week, as you lay down for bed, and ponder how to awaken your dream…meditate on this word from the commissioning of Isaiah:

Isaiah 6:8.

” 8Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

“Here I am.  Send ME!”

It will be scary at first…..It will be intimidating…..

But it beats driving by your own “football stadiums” and wondering

What if ……….

Dream Again….

You will miss people…family…and friends….

You will miss places like Texarkana and Shreveport…..Tampa and Tuscaloosa…..Dallas and Baton Rouge……Chattanooga and Birmingham…..NYC and Miami….

You will have doubts…you will doubt yourself……

But eventually…you will KNOW THAT YOU HAVE NO REGRETS!

DREAM AGAIN!

#CoachKD

Let’s get some inconvenient truths out of the way…..

Some people are selfish….

Relationships can be work….

We all want genuine relationships…..

……….

Life is going to be difficult at times….but it can be less difficult with the right people…

As a coach, athlete, mentor, or well….any position for that matter, we all eventually deal with all types of different people.  And I mean ALL TYPES!!!!  Leaders of all types, including pastors will tell you how relationships can and do differ depending on where you are in life.  Simply sit down with a college coach and we will begin to tell you recruiting stories that would make you laugh into tears.  Speak with any athlete and they will tell you stories of people willing to do anything for tickets and autographs…..ANYTHING!

…which brings us to this weeks message:

Recognizing Conditional and Unconditional Relationships

When I started working as a strength and conditioning “Intern” I was re-introduced to the world of Division I college athletics.  I had several seasons under my belt as an assistant at several high schools (some of which were high-profile). However, I immediately recognized the pressure and the process.  The hours were long but I never noticed because I never felt as though I was “Working”!   I loved every second!  It was during one of those long days that I heard a line that would be burned into my soul.  An assistant coach had called me into an individual meeting with a player.  We were discussing the player’s performance academically, athletically, and spiritually while using self-guided discovery.  Somewhere between discussing the weight room and their spiritual life…the assistant coach uttered the following statement:

“Don’t forget….NOT EVERYONE WHO IS WITH YOU IS FOR YOU!”

I vividly remember turning my head and staring at the coach…

NOT…..EVERYONE…..who….is….WITH…..YOU….is…FOR….YOU!  It took me a second and I wrote it down in my notes.  I knew this information somewhere, deep down in my subconscious but I don’t think I had ever put it into words.   Immediately I had names come to my own mind that I knew were NOT FOR ME…but were around me and had influence.

It was a moment of clarity…….

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We all have these moments of clarity at different points in our lives.  Some happen when we are children.  Others happen as death strikes close to home.  Many times the most painful moments of maturity happen relationally.  This week an article was published about one of the most gifted players I have ever witnessed, Trent Richardson.

Trent Richardson’s friends spent 1.6 Million of his money in 10 months…..

Trent is a great person.  And I’m not saying that just because he is an amazing athlete.   I’m also not saying it because he possesses an absolute God-given gift in the weight room. When I was around him he was relatively quiet and I have always respected his work ethic and attitude!  He is simply ….what you want on your team!

But the words in that article simply broke my heart!  And this story is just one of many!

Conditional vs. Unconditional Relationships

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Approximately the same time I began working for the Division I school, I began to have access to football tickets.  It wasn’t a big deal to me…..at first.   I had student tickets as well and could always use the other tickets if I needed to.  Co-workers usually had family coming into town and we would lend and use the tickets at will. Furthermore, former players would need extra seats and I….honestly…never thought anything about giving them to people.  That is…until…..

I began to get calls from people I haven’t seen or spoken to in a decade.  People whom the last time I had actually heard their name was in a pep rally…when we were in freakin HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!

I did what I could and was convenient.  I may have went out of my way once or twice.  Then, one Friday, yes….a dang FRIDAY, I received a call for…get this…

LSU TICKETS!

Needless to say, that wasn’t going to happen!

I completely forgot about the phone call as game day preparations were well underway and I continued my job.  A week later I am talking to a friend at another school and they inform me that,

“They said their feelings are hurt because you didn’t get them tickets and didn’t return their call!”  

These same people, when I took jobs in New York and Virginia,  must have lost my number because I never got ticket requests, invites for dinner, or a “Been thinking about you….how you doing” text?

Conditional vs. Unconditional Relationships

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Let’s be real here!  This message hits home for all of us.  

At a certain point we all must realize that a number of people (we may consider friends) are only “with us” for the conditions we provide them.

For me, on a personal level….my lesson was learned when I was blessed (and I do mean blessed) with a torn ACL. In one of my toughest moments….several surgeries, a serious infection, and weeks of sleepless nights in the Hospital….. Only a small handful of people called and/ or came by the Hospital…..and one (Andy) came back 3 days in a row to challenge me!

-Where were all of my “friends”?

-Where were all of those people that were “ride or die”?

“Not everyone who was with me…..was FOR ME!”

  Each year I see young, naive athletes step foot on a campus and immediately have two beautiful co-eds on each arm……..then when they don’t start or get media attention………the co-eds go back to the fraternity party chair or the bartender.

 I see coaches finally get that big job and are immediately surrounded by people who have million dollar smiles and the black credit cards to back it up.  They quickly have to decide who to invest their time with and who wants them to “spend” their time.

Most of us must learn the hard way… the difference between conditional and unconditional relationships. 

 We all need to STOP and find our  “Set Point” in each area of our lives.

We must sit down and ask ourselves tough questions regarding where we stand personally, mentally, spiritually, physically, romantically, and financially.  

We must find ways to connect deeper with our core group of people that care about us…regardless of what the press and/or bank account says.

We must make difficult decisions on where we are in life and WHO we need to have around us!

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The following links are simply some material that all of us need to read, understand, and place in permanent memory.

10 Reasons NFL Players go Bankrupt

Just in Case: The Life of an NFL Journeyman

and just for kicks:

The top 10 highest paid athletes and their wives….

The 11 highest paid female athletes in the world.

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The bottom line here is simply:

“Not everyone with you …..is for you!”

Who do you want to talk to when you have to make the following decisions?

-Where should I go to school?

-Should I stay for my senior year or enter the draft?

-Should I take the job in Birmingham or move to Montana?

-Should I take the jump and pursue my passion or wait for another opportunity?

If you are not 100% confident in the names that came to mind….I urge you this week to seek honest answers to difficult questions and start the cleansing process.  One thing I have learned in my life is…and this is this week’s meditation:

the longer you delay cleansing areas of  your life…the more expensive it will be emotionally and collaterally. 

If you are emotionally ready to take a step in the right direction….I encourage you to look into the following books.  They have helped me in many ways including making judgement on WHO I invest in and to what level I allow them in…..

Chasing Daylight–Erwin McManus

The Way of the Seal–Mark Devine

The Road Less Traveled–M. Scott Peck

Power vs. Force–David R. Hawkins, MD

As always….let’s get better this week!

#COACHKD