Category: Uncategorized

It’s Thursday Night…..

You have a ton of stuff to do and even more on your mind!  You are stressed! You know you should be studying for a midterm….and looking over financials for your morning meeting at work.   But, your stressed!!  Your class project meeting…that is going on right now…they can handle it on their own….you just need a minute.

You know you should be somewhere else.  You momentarily consider going to bum a cigarette or a drink from the girl outside the student center…but you don’t smoke and well…you know that you don’t need to drink in season….and really…you just don’t want to talk to anyone….

You decide to take a walk…a long walk….down a few streets and then down sorority row.  For whatever reason you feel like a young cooed just may be sitting outside and may look your way….maybe…

Halfway down that certain street…with the flowers blooming and immaculate landscaping….and the white columns….

you see her…

the world stops….time stands still…you don’t breathe….your eyes see the most beautiful…most captivating woman you have ever seen…….

………..in  a toga…….at a pre-game….for a toga party….at a sorority house!

You immediately call your friend!  His girlfriend is in that sorority!  She would know who this is….she’s gotta know!!  She tells you the girls name is Ashley!  ASHLEY!  “Hot Ashley” you call her!  “Hot Ashley from Birmingham!“ You gotta meet “Hot Ashley from Birmingham”…..

Then your friend and his girlfriend drop the bomb of all bombs on you!  “Hot Ashley from Birmingham” is engaged to one of your……..coworkers!  Yeah, tough news to take!  But even worse….the guy actually reports directly…TO YOU!!!!!!

AND THAT….MY UNFORTUNATE FRIEND…IS A PROBLEM!

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If you think the story above is a little early afternoon talkshow..ish!   IT IS! Its also

BIBLICAL!

“Hot Ashley from Birmingham” is not a person for those of you who are already on facebook typing Ashley, Birmingham into the search field!  She doesn’t exist….that I know of!  I mean, there are beautiful, intelligent women from Birmingham on many campuses around the country…but that’s not what’s important here!  (I did have a friend that was a Pi Phi my freshman year…but that’s the only coincidence….)

“Hot Ashley from Birmingham” can go by a different name!  We will now be referring to “Hot Ashley from Birmingham” by the name………

“Bathsheba”

Are you ready for this story?  Seriously though….grab glass of water!

David and Bathsheba

“11 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.

² One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, ³ and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” ⁴ Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.) Then she went back home. ⁵ The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”

So, do you need a minute to digest all of that!  I’ll give you a minute to get up and get a drink of water!

Ok…you good now!

David! David! David!  I just don’t know what to say about him right here other than…WOW!

Let me give you the post-game breakdown for all of you that think this was a harmless hookup!

David’s Pathway to Destruction:

1. David should have been somewhere else!  He should have been with his army at war!
2. He had given himself “Idle Time”!
3. He went for a  walk “on the roof of the King’s Palace”!
4. “His eyes saw a beautiful woman bathing!”  What was he looking for anyway?
5. He “sent and inquired about the woman”….in today’s culture, “Hey, isn’t that Bathsheba!?!?  She is fine!  Facebook her and see if she’s single….!”
6. The messengers took her….SHE CAME TO HIM….AND THEY WATCHED NETFLIX FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES!

Story is over, right!?  Well, NO!  Not by a long shot!

Thing is…a few weeks later….She comes to David and…..

Maury tells David that he is the Daddy…………KING DAVID FREAKS OUT !

 

Ok…so that wasn’t King David…and that DEFINITELY wasn’t Bathsheba!!!!

Our man David….”A man after God’s own heart”…is well on his way to some bad decisions!…….

⁶ So David sent this word to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent him to David.⁷ When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going. ⁸ Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.”So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him. ⁹ But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master’s servants and did not go down to his house.

David…David…David!  David is now hoping to “cover up” his slip-up!  Uriah, a man of strict integrity, who only wants to honor his God, his men, and King David’s army…. says, “NO!”….little does he EVER know….

¹⁰ David was told, “Uriah did not go home.” So he asked Uriah, “Haven’t you just come from a military campaign? Why didn’t you go home?”

¹¹ Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents,^[a] and my commander Joab and my lord’s men are camped in the open country. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and make love to my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!”

¹² Then David said to him, “Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. ¹³ At David’s invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master’s servants; he did not go home.

Man ..oh…Man!  David then thinks he can get Uriah drunk….get him to go home to his wife..and cover up his sin.  But once again….INTEGRITY WINS!  Uriah says, “NO!”

¹⁴ In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. ¹⁵ In it he wrote, “Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die.”

¹⁶ So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. ¹⁷ When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David’s army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.

Once David found that he could not Coerce Uriah…David gave Uriah his own death sentence to carry to the executioner……simply EVIL!!!

¹⁸ Joab sent David a full account of the battle. ¹⁹ He instructed the messenger: “When you have finished giving the king this account of the battle, ²⁰ the king’s anger may flare up, and he may ask you, ‘Why did you get so close to the city to fight? Didn’t you know they would shoot arrows from the wall? ²¹ Who killed Abimelek son of Jerub-Besheth[b]? Didn’t a woman drop an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Thebez? Why did you get so close to the wall?’ If he asks you this, then say to him, ‘Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.’”

²² The messenger set out, and when he arrived he told David everything Joab had sent him to say. ²³ The messenger said to David, “The men overpowered us and came out against us in the open, but we drove them back to the entrance of the city gate. ²⁴ Then the archers shot arrows at your servants from the wall, and some of the king’s men died. Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.”

²⁵ David told the messenger, “Say this to Joab: ‘Don’t let this upset you; the sword devours one as well as another. Press the attack against the city and destroy it.’ Say this to encourage Joab.”

²⁶ When Uriah’s wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. ²⁷ After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.”

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So, about that walk you took in the middle of the night to clear your head!

You remember?  You were supposed to be somewhere else…doing something else…with people who expected you there!?

Several years ago at a coaching clinic in Tuscaloosa,  Josh Niblett gave a presentation on his coaching philosophy and the Hoover High School Program.  He started the presentation off with the following quote….which I will leave as our weekly meditation…

“We expect this out of everyone in our program at Hoover High School!

Be Where you are supposed to be….

When you are supposed to be there…..

With Who you are supposed to be with….

Doing What you are supposed to be doing…

THE RIGHT WAY….The Way it is Supposed to be done!”

So, anyone want to Netflix and Chill after that….?

#CoachKD

#Gototheweightroominstead

It really is a simple question….

It can also require some serious introspection into where you currently are and what you are doing with your life.  It will cause you to start taking inventory of your education, finances, relational investments, community responsibilities……church membership even.  It will even make you take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror.

Maybe it’s not such a simple question after all!

While it may not be a simple question…it may be one of those life changing moments that you will look back on and see the difference it made!  Hopefully you have considered it before today.   I want to take this weeks message and ask you a series of questions to help jumpstart some self-discovery regarding where we are on the journey to becoming who we want to be.

Let me preface this with an explanation.  If you get the opportunity to speak to a doctor, lawyer, or CEO you will quickly find that these individuals had to pass through a process in order to be QUALIFIED for their title!

In order to practice the profession…you must EARN the title!  

An attorney, for example must attend college, law school, pass the BAR exam, and once licensed….can then start practicing law...in their particular state.   

A surgeon must also attend college, pass the MCAT’s, complete medical school, complete a residency, and then…..be given the opportunity to practice their craft.  (These are the preliminary steps in the respective processes, btw).

So, with that being said, I would like to ask each of you several questions:

– Who are you today?  Right now?  What defines your life occupationally? Personally?

– Who are you supervised by?  Does your supervising parent or guardian know your goals?

-What are you doing today for an occupation?  Is their a future in this occupation?

-Where do you want to be in 6 months?

-Where do you want to be in 1 year?

-Where do you want to be in 2 years?

-Where do you want to be in 5 years?

-What is your goal occupation?  Job title?  Geographic location for your goal occupation?

-How much will your goal take financially?  TIME? Relationally?

Carefully consider each of these questions!  Write them down and look at them over the course of the week.  Let each question settle on your conscious.  Really think about them.

The answers to your questions are limitless.  The opportunities that are available to you are only limited by your imagination.

So, I’m going to give you an example of how the questions can be answered if you wanted to be a……………….

College Football Coach.

– Who are you today?  Right now?  What defines your life occupationally? Personally?

College student. Taking 15 hours.  Steady girlfriend and part-time job at the University.

– Who are you supervised by?  Does your supervising parent or guardian know your goals?

Parents.  Professors. Campus Pastor.  Accountability Men’s Group at Church.  Some know my goals.  Some don’t.

-What are you doing today for an occupation?  Is their a future in this occupation?

Part-time job at the University.  No future except for connections and networking at the school.

-Where do you want to be in 6 months?

Preparing to graduate with my undergraduate degree.  BE ACCEPTED BY 3 GRADUATE SCHOOL PROGRAMS WITH FUNDING AS A GRADUATE ASSISTANT WITH A FOOTBALL PROGRAM.

-Where do you want to be in 1 year?

HALFWAY THROUGH MY FIRST YEAR OF GRAD SCHOOL AND IN MY FIRST SEASON AS A GRADUATE ASSISTANT FOR THE FOOTBALL PROGRAM.

-Where do you want to be in 2 years?

FINISHING A MASTERS DEGREE AND INTERVIEWING FOR FULL TIME POSITIONS AT COLLEGES ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

-Where do you want to be in 5 years?

WORKING AS A OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR AT A DIVISION I OR DIVISION IAA INSTITUTION.

-What is your goal occupation?  Job title?  Geographic location for your goal occupation?

HEAD FOOTBALL COACH AT AN SEC SCHOOL.

-How much will your goal take financially?  TIME? Relationally?

Financially:  Possibly volunteer at one or more schools until I am hired as a full time coach.

Time:  5-10 years with NO GUARANTEES!

Relationally:  Most relationships will need to understand my commitment and the time requirements of the occupation.

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Ok…OK…OK…take a deep breath!  You are in total control here!  It’s just time to start working toward the goal!  I know it can be either overwhelming or absolutely motivating.

One thing that I always think about when I get overwhelmed with my process is the journey itself.  I just frustrated just as much, if not more, than everyone else.  But I want you to think about something.

The bible is full of miracles.  Leper’s cleansed.  Sarah conceived. David beat Goliath. Jonathan deciding to climb that cliff.  The Red Sea parting.  I could go on and on here.  However, I want you to think about something.  Jesus was so driven about his role that he reminded  HIS DISCIPLES constantly of what He was there for.  Jesus is the Son of God!  The man!  The beginning and the End!  He is JESUS for crying out loud!  And even though He is the Great I Am….

Jesus had to look at His friends in the eye and say,

“Hey, this is where I’m going!  This is my goal!  Anything other than the GOAL is Unacceptable!”

The following is an exact excerpt from the ESV:

English Standard Version
But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

Jesus knew His destiny! He had answered His questions and that was HIS Destiny and HIS Destination!

Did He has distractions?  ……There were…..ATTEMPTS!

Please understand that your dedication to your goal will be tested! You must have an idea of who and where you are if you are going to get to the finish line! 

“The price is high…but so are the rewards!”-Coach Vince Lombardi

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Ladies and Gentlemen,

Where are you going?

Where are you today?

Tell me where you are starting from?

Are you surrounded by support…

Or are you surrounded by ATTEMPTS?

#COACHKD

#WHEREAREYOUGOING?

 

 

 

Growing up in the mountains of East Tennessee and North Georgia offered an endless variety of outdoor activities.  To an outdoorsman, it was paradise.

There was bass fishing in the Tennessee River corridor.

There was literally game in-season year around.

The only thing that kept us off the water and out of the woods was something called football and baseball season….and church!

As I aged, I’m come to realize that everything I learned in those mountains has been instrumental throughout my life.  It’s probably the same with you!  You have memories and moments that have helped you as you made your unique journey.  And when a moment or situation that requires some thought and discernment, you seek your “place” to meditate and pray.

Maybe it was a family issue, a significant other,  or maybe it was a major development with your academics or profession.  Regardless of the specifics, we find ourselves in a moment where we are unsure of what we “should” do and have to juggle our responsibilities.

I have had several trials that brought me back to those mountains.  Several times in my life that, while no one else understood, I just wanted to sit by the Hiwassee River below Big Bend and work the water.  (that’s some fly-fishing talk for you). Moments as an undergrad where I packed up in the middle of the night and as John Muir would say,

 “The Mountains Are Calling….And I Must Go!”

Point is….we all have that place…maybe places!  This week, I want to tell you about what I have learned in MY “place”!  To be honest, it’s the only time in my life where I have felt totally stress free and at peace.  Let me take you on a little journey….

I leave Chattanooga headed east, passing cities named Cleveland and Benton.  The night air is cool and I have the windows down.  The tops of the mountains are visible against the night sky and small pairs of unknown eyes periodically appear as the roads begin to wind.  As I continue up Hwy 411, I take a right onto County Road ??? (come on now!  im not giving you my fishing spots!).  The air temp quickly drops 15 degrees as I past into the National Forest.  On the left and right, antique campers house adventurers seeking their own place in the mountains.  Cars with stickers with UTC, Rock Creek Outfitters, and “I voted for Reagan” lined the camping areas and pull offs.

After a few turns, I open the door of my truck and the only sound I hear is water dripping off the trees.  Slowly, the woods accept my presence and the crickets begin to sing again.  Then, unknown creatures begin to stir around me.  I am home!  I put on my camo, my waders, and my vest…grab my #4 weight rod and ease off toward the sound of rushing water.

After a few awkward steps, ducking under a log or two, and strategically avoiding several briars……I see the opening to the river.  As I approach the water, the smell of the mountains fills my senses in rush.  The smells of mountain water, pine, lavender, and a hint of something….something wild….possibly the passing of a buck or bear earlier in the night……I am alone….and for the first time in ages….I feel free!

I stand there and wait for first light.  I try to blend into the surroundings and wait for the mountains wake up!  It’s at this moment that I see how BIG and REAL GOD IS!!!  I think about my grandparents!  I see my uncles standing on these rocks, holding fly rod, smoking a cigarette.  Memories start or flood into my mind.  The monster brown trout I caught less than 100 feet from where I am standing….and how I almost lost my felt hat over  it.  I think about the girls in high school and college that I brought to this spot to see if they saw the beauty in this place.

As first light appears, the fog is so thick that I am only able to see 15 feet out into the ankle and knee-deep water.  With the taste of morning coffee still on my breath I ease off onto the mountain stone. The icy water, even with the barrier of my waders, immediately conforms to my legs.  It is COLD…no…you don’t understand…COLD doesn’t quite describe it!

And now for the most important part of the message.  It is in this moment that I have carried with me over my life.

Whenever a big decision comes. Whenever the stress gets a little too much.  Whenever I just need a moment to absorb life.  I withdraw to my place and I allow my mind to take the following routine. Sometimes it happens quickly…..while other times it takes a day or two.  The following is a plan of action for your next retreat to the river….

How to Read the water:

Stop:  Just like in life, the water looks “busy”.  The water is flowing in a million different directions and its easy to focus on everything….in turn focusing on nothing.  So I STOP…and just breathe!  I look at the water a little at a time and start seeing the flow, current, ebbs & flows.  I lose myself in it.  Just like in a game situation!  STOP!  Breathe and take it all in!  Let your mind slow down! Just like a game situation….you concentrate on your role and position….your assignment….that’s all.

Be Silent: It takes few minutes, but eventually your mind will slow down.   A calmness with come over you and your breathing with become rhythmic.   This is when you know you are able to relax mentally and spiritually.  In football, after kickoff and the first few plays the game “settles down”!  Players, coaches, and even fans notice their emotions calm down and you settle into your training……time to …

Study the Water….Focus:  As with any situation…spend some time just studying whats going on around you.  Look at the water….really…read the water.  See the path you want to take to get to the main spots…..   While it is almost overwhelming looking at the entire scene, simply slow down and look for OPPORTUNITY!  Look at the spots in the current and rocks you know a trout will lay…   You’ve watched film! You’ve studied for the exam! Now you are going to pick your spots…and ……

Strategize:  Even though you have a path picked….let the river guide your steps.  You may be planning an approach to drop your fly into the front of a long run…but you catch two brookies and in the process see the run isn’t as deep as you thought.  Plus, you see a 15 inch rainbow just above the run.  As the river changes…just like if your opponent changes…you plan your strategy and the goal is to get…..

Synchronized:  Without realizing it, you are becoming synchronized to the river and the world around you.  Your body is leaning into the current and your mind/body is working your fly into position with that same current.   The game, just like the river, has a rhythm.  A natural rhythm that you must understand to be victorious and to be relaxed.  Everything in this world is about rhythm.

…SUBMIT:  Give your worries and stressors up for the duration.  This may seem difficult…but once you are in your “place” it becomes easy.  Nature has a way of filtering out what isn’t mandatory for basic survival and helping you see things differently.  In athletics, you can play an entire game not thinking your upcoming mid-term, your relationship problems, or your mortgage payment being due…..  Then, after the game is over and your mind has assimilated, your perspective on stressors may have changed.  Literally, submit your stressors to the Man Upstairs and just BE!!!

Surrender:  This is where the exercise gets tough.  Surrender…in your mind….that you are NOT in control  (whatever that is).  Surrender your worries, fears, stressors, and responsibilities to God and His River.  Let them go!  If you really want to know how powerful the Creator is….imagine one of those tears that you have shed falling into that river flowing around you! That tear, and that water is all headed to the same place….

Summarize:  When you have closed the day out (and regardless of how many fish are on the stringer) summarize how much fun you had and how good you feel.  Breathe in deeply and put your hand in the ice-cold mountain water.  Splash your face!  Remind yourself that simply “Living” is still your main job!!!!   Your responsibilities are still out there…but life has to be lived!  So, “Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing”

Remember those stressors and worries?!  Me neither!

One thing that always reminds me of the important of getting away is how Jesus went off to a “designated place to pray”!  He made it a priority to have some “quiet time”!  If the great I AM needs a minute to focus on His mission in this world….

I KNOW I NEED IT…..  

Check this out:

The following are different translations of Luke 5:16….

English Standard Version
But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.

New International Version
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

New Living Translation
But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.

New American Standard Bible
But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.

King James Bible
And he withdrew himself into the wilderness, and prayed.

Holman Christian Standard Bible
Yet He often withdrew to deserted places and prayed.

International Standard Version
However, he continued his habit of retiring to deserted places and praying.

 

The common terminologies here are obvious….

Withdrawing to the wilderness and praying….

Regardless of what your current situation is presenting.  

Regardless of where your feet currently rest.  

Regardless of your financial situation.  

Regardless of your church membership.  

Regardless of what the sweater vests say.   

Get away from it all and get alone with the Creator!  

You may just find the world again!

This week, find your place and spend a few minutes with God. 

I hope you remember how to “Read Your Water” this week!

#CoachKD

“Don’t be a sore loser..”

It’s one of those statements that makes me shake my head.  I mean, what in the heck does that mean, anyway!?  “Don’t be a sore loser”????!!!!  What other type of loser can you be? Every time I hear that statement I can only imagine what my face looks like…

I really don’t know if I should tell this story but what the heck…  When I was in grad school I took a course called TEACHING VOLLEYBALL in which we coached (we were only allowed to say “teach”) the game of volleyball to each other and kids.

(Some of you that know me are already wincing).

So, day in and day out we learned the correct terminology from our instructors and we put them into practice with our classmates.  At the end of the tutorial we would split teams and play the best of 3 or best of 5.

During one of these games, the score was tight.  Each classmates focus was dialed in on the task at hand.  Our instructor, a former professional European soccer player, was starting to actually TRY!  Volleys were becoming more and more intense.  Communication became loud and purposeful! Every point seemed to end with someone diving across the acrylic floor of the student rec center and a loud spike of the volleyball.

It was intense.

On one particular volley I sensed our instructor was going to attempt a “power spike” on my teammates and I (really just me…).  I suddenly became really motivated and decided that junk wasn’t going down that way.  I took my trigger step and jumped up even with the net to challenge the dominate male!

He definitely attempted to power spike the volleyball.

I heard a loud slam…

I felt the ball bounce off my forearms.

My feet hit the ground and I saw we won the point…..

I may or may not have given the fist pump….ok..I did…and pointed at him.

But thats not the point of the story…

 The next point didn’t end like that!  He spiked it into my grill!  Yes, you read that right….

Things got intense immediately after….REALLY INTENSE!!!!  You probably thought Nick Saban showed up at the rec.  The following statements may or may not have left my mouth:

“Focus on one volley at a time!”

“That’s fine!  Great effort!  You just set up the next point for us!”

“How much do you want to win this game!?”

“Don’t look at the scoreboard…don’t even think about the score…just this point!”

“Trust each other….aight….TRUST!”

We lost the game!

 I was exhausted!

I was irritated!

One of my classmates (on the winning team) looked at one of my female teammates and said,

“Don’t be a sore loser!”

I replied,

“What other type of loser is there?! Maybe you are comfortable when you lose but I detest it!”

_________________________________________________________________

Too far, Coach, Too FAR!

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So, how your feel after you LOSE?

Does it even bother your at all?

Are your emotions stirred?

Do you use it as a reason to go to the bar?

Do you wake up and hit the weights Sunday afternoon to beat your next opponent?

As a coach, I actively seek out a team of the latter!  A culture of people that are confident that NO OPPONENT has outworked them! Confident that sometime in the 4th quarter that their opponent is going to quit mentally, physically, and finally ….spiritually!!

Why!? Because that is the result of competing against US!!!!!

So let me ask you again……

Does losing even bother you?

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This is an example of my mentality!

The year was 2008.  Coach Saban’s process was in full swing and the college football world was watching the giant of Alabama Football come back to life!  I was working in the weight room and when the Georgia game came around….it was ON! Let’s just say I had the date circled on my calendar since I arrived in Tuscaloosa!

 I wanted that game!

(I went to high school in NW Georgia and my stepbrothers both attended UGA!  I grew up listening to the Bulldog chants and the years of Vince Dooley, Ray Goff, Jim Donnan, and Mark Richt! We had lost to the Dawgs on a last minute fade route to Mitchell  in 2007 and that loss took a lot out of me. ALOT!! )

The prank calls from Georgia fans started on Sunday night!  I walked into my boss’ office and I said, “I want this game, Coach!  I plan on sleeping at the complex if I have to!”.  After his response I knew this week was going to be a little different! 😉

The week flew by.  In fact, Wednesday rolled around and my girlfriend at the time confronted me with the following statement,

“You have been zoned out all week!  I can tell this game is different…. You have hardly spoken at all…..you, Carter, and Drew just come back to the apartment and watch film until the early morning hours…..and do it all over again!”

Friday, the strength staff lined up and met each player as they left the locker room on their way to the team buses. It was one of those moments I will never forget.

Georgia decided to wear black jerseys and to promote a “Blackout”!

JP Wilson went 13/16 for 205 yards…..

Julio had had 5 catches for 95 yards….including this perfectly timed play call by Coach Mac:

Saturday night I arrived back home to a fired up and EXHAUSTED group of friends.

Why am I telling you this memoir of gridiron past……….because of this statement:

I hadn’t slept but a few hours the entire week.  I missed church Sunday….I didn’t get out of bed until Sunday night…..

Why???

Losing wasn’t an option!!!!!!

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Ping-Pong

9-Ball

Olympic Weight lifting

Freaking bumper cars!!!

And don’t even mention intramural flag football (Carter, Drew, and Thomas).

I don’t play to play!  I want to win!  I want to win because I am accustomed to how it feels!  I enjoy preparing for competition!  I also enjoy the fulfillment of walking away as the victor!  My biggest gratification, however, is seeing my teammates and coaches succeed!  

It’s deep seeded…..

And if you are going to play for me…or have me invest in you…..

It better be deep seeded in you as well…..

Be a Winner!  yes…….

but I want you to be a sore loser…in the rare occasion it does happen!

I want a loss to affect you for 24 hours……..

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Our society, especially today, is very luke warm!  We all have personal beliefs and values that we are apprehensive to fully develop.  We feel inadequate and not passionate enough to truly conceptualize what we think and feel.  Because we know we may not be fully informed, we trust what we see and hear in the media.  We check to see if what WE BELIEVE IS CULTURALLY ACCEPTABLE!  CNN, FOX, BET, ESPN, and Facebook become the method that propaganda is distributed.  They tell us what to think and what to believe.  

They have DESENSITIZED US!

With that being said, we are losing ourselves!  We are accepting a losers mentality! We aren’t passionate about loving anymore.  We are not passionate about who we are, what we are working toward, or who is working toward it with us!! We are taking the bible out of everything and then we wonder why our society doesn’t follow biblical principles. 

We need to get back to being WINNERS!  To being passionate!

So, let my be passionate! Let me share my faith with you!  This is personal! I am passionate about it!  And I love each and every one of you enough that 1). I want you to hear it. and 2). I want to see each of you run a race in such a way that WE WIN!

1 Corinthians 9:24

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.

So this week….

Play your tail off!

Leave nothing to chance!

FIGHT FOR YOUR VICTORY!

TAKE YOUR PARTICIPATION TROPHY AND THROW IT IN THE TRASH….BECAUSE THATS WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!

BE THE COMPETITOR THAT YOU KNOW IS SOMEWHERE DEEP IN YOUR SOUL!

BE PASSIONATE ABOUT BEATING YOUR COMPETITOR!

MAKE THEIR ….erh….TAIL….QUIT!!! 

AND MOST OF ALL:

WIN YOUR RACE!  YOU CAN BET I’M TRYING TO WIN MINE!

 

 

BE THE COMPETITOR THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TRAINED TO BE!

#COACHKD

#IAINTEVERBEENNOTHINBUTAWINNER

 

Several times per week on my early morning commute, when the Texas stars are out (now the Florida stars) and the sun isn’t even hinting at the horizon….my mind begins to wonder.  I start thinking about what coaching jobs will be coming open and what other opportunities may be around the corner.  I check footballscoop and coachingsearch.com.  I check the NCAA website.  I check ESPN.  And then… I begin the same dialogue with myself that we are all familiar with.

“All is need is for ONE DOOR to OPEN!”

“If I could just get one big win…”

“I could just get invited for an interview….”

It seems that we are all “hoping” and “waiting” for the door of opportunity to open for us in our given profession and field of expertise.

It has been my experience with every job and every interview I have been offered that my opportunities have not come through “OPEN DOORS” but “cracked windows“.

Let me explain…If you really look back over your life you will notice that the BIG moments were orchestrated long before they actually took place.  Usually, someone you never expected to be of assistance made a move or suggestion that changed your life.

This week, I’d like to share one of those people with you…

When I was in my early twenties I was going to school and working at a nightclub in Tuscaloosa, AL.  This wasn’t just any “club”!  It was the biggest dance club in town and was the hangout for University of Alabama athletes and the campus community.  It was a place to see and be seen.  And just like the lifestyle the bar atmosphere promotes…I was living it. Late nights, big crowds, and did I mention we had a cage on stage in the upstairs portion of the establishment?!

It was…..”Off the Chain!”

I originally planned to only work at the bar for a few weeks or months until I saved a little cash.   Before long, 3 months had flown by and my job applications to local businesses and schools had slowed to one a week.

“Doors just weren’t opening!”

Spring Break came and went.  And with it trips to Destin, Fort Myers, and Orange Beach.  Crazy parties, some interesting card games, and early morning stops at Whataburger wrapped up a crazy semester.

One night as I walked into work, fellow door-guy Adam Hughes was sitting by the front door waiting for the night to start.  Adam, waiting to begin I.D.’ing people at 9pm, was doing something that had probably NEVER been done on the Strip in Tuscaloosa.  Adam was sitting on his stool…….

READING A BIBLE!

………yes, you read that right!  Adam had his bible open and was reading out of the New Testament.

I stopped, said that was “AWESOME”… and continued into work.  As the night continued Adam took his second post on stage with me upstairs where we began to talk about our church structures growing up and where we were in life.  Imagine the irony….the biggest nightclub in town….so crowded you could barely walk…smoke and dance lights…and we are sitting there talking about church!

“God was using the window…”

The next week, during a West Alabama turkey hunt, he invited me to a men’s group in Northport, AL called, Son’s of Thunder….

Sons Of Thunder, with Tim Clements and the gang, opened their doors to me and I found it to be the most genuine, real, and authentic example of Christianity I had seen.  Real people, real fellowship, Real accountability!

Ladies and Gentlemen….I had been searching for a door to open…when what I should have been focusing on….were the cracked windows.

Adam Hughes is now a licensed Methodist pastor.  He pastors two churches, is a full-time lineman for Alabama Power, a devoted husband to Suzanne, and loving father to three amazing kids.

A cracked window!!!!

Sons of Thunder encouraged me to take a step out in my faith.  They, along with other community members, instructed me to trust my faith and use my experiences to help young people.

I then met another “cracked window” named Abbey from Baton Rouge (Yes, she was an LSU grad).  Abbey at one time was in a youth group led by Pastor Chris Hodges, who was planting a church in Birmingham, AL by the name of

The Church of the Highlands Story with Pastor Chris Hodges

And it was Church of the Highlands that put me back in Tuscaloosa and provided me a chance to resume my coaching career….through…

Not an open door but a cracked window!

This week I want you to write down how you really arrived at the point you are at now in life.  List the people that God placed into your life to direct you and maybe even correct the course of your life.  You will soon see that God’s Plan for your life trumps what you wanted just 5 years ago.

Like Coach Saban always preaches, Trust Your Process!  Come to work everyday working your craft willing to meet and develop relationships.

OH, and just one more thing!  That thing you’ve been praying about…..that thing that you have written down in your locker..in  your desk….you know…that one thing.

Maybe the answer is coming in a way you will never see coming…just big enough to fit through…

Get out there and Get your dream!!!

#CoachKD

 

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I have sons!  While I have not been blessed with children of my own yet….I have sons!  ALOT of them! I have black sons!  I have white sons!  I have brown sons!  I have short sons!  I have tall sons!  My sons are STRONG!  I know they are STRONG because I woke up with them at 4:45am and lifted weights with them.  I saw them grow!  I love them and they love me! I call them MINE!  Most of you have heard me tell stories about my sons.  You have seen me cheer them on when they succeed!  You have seen me emotional when they go through rough times. These sons are from places with names like McKees Rocks, Virginia Beach, Powhatan, Philadelphia, Utica, NYC, Gordo, Northport, Saraland, Pensacola, Palatka, and Raleigh…   We are family…I have fought for them…and they have fought for me!

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Whether we are addressing situations with our families, recruiting, or business we all must identify priorities and values that we want to promote.  Thoughts that we desire to convey to others  and principles we want those around us to reciprocate!  We look at the world around us and we are outraged when we see other people not reflecting those same priorities and values.  Words like LOVE and HOPE are now the last four-letter words we use to describe our society and culture.  We look to BLAME first and ask/seek forgiveness if it is convenient!  We want someone to pay…for anything and everything.  In today’s society (this was originally written before recent events that forced us, once again, to address issues with race and division), we are continually instructed that we are at WAR with our neighbor!  I call BS!   We are not at war….we are being TOLD we are at WAR…with everyone!  My heart is broken today!  Death fills our TV’s, radios, and social media.  While we talk about making progress between us, EVIL happens and we go right back to the BLAME GAME .  What we need is to start using words like LOVE and HOPE again.  We need to catch each other….demographically…socially…religiously….doing something RIGHT!  We need to recognize EVIL exists in this world and stop letting our politicians label it something less factual!  We need to use the only name that matters, Jesus Christ,  and help HIM change OUR hearts….He knows I need it from time to time:

“In Jesus name, I pray that this message finds the hearts of your children!  Help us see YOU around every corner and help us see how we can step out and love each other this week!”

Educators, coaches in particular, are the primary force with boots on the ground in the war to influence our young people.  Those people, whom I refer as mentor leaders, are on the front lines in this ongoing war over values and principles….in what is fundamentally a battle involving good and evil.

What other place do we literally see that war played out….than in our local communities and high schools?  The largest expression from our local school systems is always our high school athletics programs.  The biggest ticket? 

Local High School Football!!

The game of football has given us some amazing mentor leaders.  Some leaders are NFL guys who have seen the game from all angles.  Others, and many of the best, spend their Friday nights under the lights at high schools in small towns across America.  These people invest in their players, coaches, and communities selflessly and sacrificial. They don’t care about the money….they simply don’t have it! They live for the game and to see their kids live productive lives.  Regardless of what level coaches dedicate themselves and their families to, they are the primary influence that will direct the lives of our young people.

After 12 years of working in athletics at the high school and college level I have taken notes from the very best leaders in the business!  There were coaches like Lee Gibson at TCHS.  Rush Propst at Hoover and Colquitt Co.. Josh Niblett at Hoover.  Nick Saban at Alabama, Jim McElwain at Florida, and Kirby Smart at Georgia.  Great Mentor Leaders!!!  Each year I made it a priority to sit down with leaders of that caliber to grow and learn from their experiences and add to my own philosophies.  After these meetings, the same principles seemingly came to light in each of their programs.  Coaching and leadership legend Lou Holtz of Notre Dame, Arkansas, and South Carolina made it his primary job to address each of his teams with 3 distinct questions….THREE QUESTIONS TO SET THE TONE FOR THIS PHILOSOPHY AND TO COMMUNICATE ………LOVE!

 

Coach Holtz would walk into the team meeting room and state that he needed….and would be able to soon answer….each of the following questions from each player!  This approach sent a message to each and every person (player and coach) in his program.  A message that required a response. The response would be answered physically, verbally, and emotionally:

Can I Trust You?

Do you Care About ME?

Are you Fully Committed!?

 

As you read each of those three questions…..do they make you a little uneasy?!

Do they make you nervous.….?!

Do they make you feel….vulnerable?!

Do they inspire you?!

What emotions do those three questions spark?!

You can’t answer those questions without LOVE and COMPASSION!

When I heard Coach Holtz tell his strategy for his first team meeting I was floored.  I still consider it to be one of the most moving bonding strategies I have ever seen in athletics.  The man cares!  He expects you to care.  In fact, he expects you to be fully committed!

Let’s take a quick look at each of those three questions from a team and individual perspective:

1.  Can I TRUST YOU? 

Can I trust you to make our relationship a PRIORITY?  Are you going to make the small decisions every day to ensure our TEAM’s success?  When your teammates are not around, will you have US in mind when making decisions?  If we offer you a scholarship, or job, will you represent our name well?  Will you COMPLETE your degree?  Will you HONOR our contract?  WILL YOU HONOR ME?  

     2.  Do YOU care about ME?

NO! Really!  Do YOU care about ME!?  Was the person and family we met during the recruitment phase the genuine article?!  Do you want me and OUR team to succeed? I have a family!  You will stay under my roof A LOT!  Do you care about my kids?  Do you CARE?! I care about you enough to trust you in a contract (that is pretty much one-sided in your favor) for four to six years!  Do you care about me and mine in the same respect? DO..YOU…LOVE…ME?

and…..

 3.  Are you FULLY COMMITTED?

What are your priorities?  WHERE are your priorities?  Is OUR team one of your priorities?  Do you realize how blessed you are to be given this opportunity?…..or …are you going to stay on social media and constantly look for attention from other schools and coaches?  Are you going to make the small decisions to make our team succeed?  Will you attend study hall to help a teammate with Math 125?  Will you skip the fraternity party because you want to send a positive message to your teammates?  CAN YOU TELL YOU GIRLFRIEND NO!? (Is your significant other  going to support you or detach you from the TEAM)!?  WILL YOU BE THERE WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH?!

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Keeping those questions….and YOUR ANSWERS TO THEM in mind…  watch the following scenario play out.

Each year, about this time, my phone begins to ring.  Text messages.  Facebook messages.  Even old-fashioned EMAIL!  They contact me.  Some student athletes….some friends…..but mostly parents and friends of kids that “can play at the next level”!

They call and ask for me or one of my friends to look at an individual’s film.  They ask if you have ever heard of the high school the player attends.  They ask if you have ever heard of the player’s head coach.  They will also ask if you remember some second, third, or fourth degree connection to the player or one of the player’s coaches.

Cliche’s are used.  “Great Upside”….”A bit of a project”…..”You wouldn’t think it by just looking at him”…..”A little rough around the edges”…….”if he gets his grades right”….and one of my personal favorites,

“he just didn’t mesh well with the coaching staff”…

Then, as anyone who knows me will confirm…I ask each caller one specific question:

“Do You Trust This Kid?!”

there is usually a long pause……………

and then….they tell me all I need to hear!

There is something about that word, isn’t there?!  “TRUST!”  It speaks of honor, integrity, and respect.  It makes things personal!

It requires YOU and I take personal responsibility!

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Are you entering the job market?  Are you starting college?  Are you starting summer workouts in Tuscaloosa, Gainesville, Baton Rouge, or Athens?  Are you entering new territory and meeting people you don’t have time to determine their motives?

Regardless of the season of life we are in, we tend to forget the very basic fundamentals of relating to people.  Trust.  Integrity.  Honor.  We apply for jobs.  We apply to schools.  We meet with college coaches that are hoping to recruit us.  We go about our daily lives “grinding” and we wonder why we are always drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually!

Its time to confront some very inconvenient truths.  It doesn’t matter who you are talking to …..a parent, a police officer, the CEO of Apple, Jim McElwain, Nick Saban, the man asking for money outside Starbucks, or your English professor.  They are all looking at you and asking the same questions (in their own little way) that Coach Holtz asks his guys.

Can I Trust You?!

Do you Care about Me?

Are you Fully Committed?!

Well……people around you are waiting for your answers!

Another small example of what I do:

 

When I interview for any job.  ANY JOB!  I write those three questions down in my portfolio.  And as the interview develops I write my responses down in the spaces between them on my legal pad.  I wait and answer them again the next day (the 24 hour rule).  As much as you should be trying to convince your INTERVIEWER that you are the right person for the job…..you should also be trying to make sure the EMPLOYER  is right for YOU!

Through our lives we will be faced with thousands of decisions that have the ability to change our futures as well as the futures of our loved ones.  One thing that has really began to stand out to me in the past few years is that the leaders I admire the most do one thing well…..

“Develop the ability to surround oneself with genuine, supportive personnel that can be TRUSTED, that CARE ABOUT YOU, and are FULLY COMMITTED!”

They make GOOD decisions regarding relationships based on the examples they have been given…

so…..

I think I have answered those three questions for you….and when you approach me…you now know what I’m looking for….I want to see LOVE from you….TRUST…… and some level of COMMITMENT!

doesn’t my life and job depend on it too!?

#CoachKD

#CANITRUSTYOU

#speakloveandhope

#everysinglelifematters!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I was nervous and beyond excited!

I was on my way to a HUGE job interview at a Mid-Atlantic school.  I had decided to drive the 5 hours to the city and stay in a nice hotel the night before so I would be rested and well caffeinated for the day long interview.

I picked the Holiday Inn Express, along the river,  and immediately started imagining what life would be in that particular city…

I saw a Wal-Mart…..Ok…its normal!

I saw  Target…and a mall…..a Food Lion….now we’re talking.. and then my eyes saw the sign…….

STARBUCKS!!!

I can survive here.  I mean…any city with a Starbucks is on the “Up and Up”, right!?

So I arrived at the hotel, located on the river, and began to settle in!  I did some additional research on the coaching staff, their career stops, and other faculty and staff.  I even asked hotel staff for their opinions….I like to have my stuff together…if you know what I mean.

I starched and iron my best suite and had my Power Red tie for this special occasion.  Then, I took a shower, read my One Year Bible, prayed, and then attempted to get some sleep.

5:00am came quickly!  REALLY QUICKLY!!  The Head Coach called to let me know the DFO would be picking me up and taking me on the first leg of the interview with University Administration and Staff.  It was GO TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!  I turned on some Young Jeezy…..and “Got my Mind Right”!

For the next few hours I was in and out of half a dozen offices.  President, Vice-President, Campus Life, Interim AD, etc, etc, etc.  Before I knew it, it was lunch time!  The itinerary led us to an Italian/Pizza lunch joint toward the edge of town.  We ordered and the Head Coach comes strolling in.  I was immediately impressed.  The Head Coach and I swapped job interview stories and he told me of some of his horror stories.  Then the Head Coach said something that stopped the flow of the conversation dead in it’s tracks….

“You should never wonder why you didn’t get a job!  Many times there are other things at work that you have absolutely NO CONTROL OVER!”

I knew immediately that I was going to look back on that statement! IMMEDIATELY!  The lunch went great.  In fact, the afternoon was spent talking in-depth with each and every member of the staff and alot of “chalk talk”!  I was LOVIN’ IT!!!!

Then, the Head Coach told me I was welcomed to hang out but that was technically the end of the interview.  They had interviewed several candidates and he had a tough decision to make.  But I should feel really good about the interview….

He would let me know in 2 days!……….On a Friday……..

Well, those two days came and went… and on Friday…I waited….12noon….I waited….2pm…nothing….finally around 6pm the phone rings with that certain area code.

“Hey coach, how are you doing!  Sorry for calling so late but I have been slammed with making this decision.  But, we decided to go with another candidate for the position.  It was kinda a perfect storm kinda deal but I want you to know that if I get what I am told I will be getting…which is an additional position…I want to bring you on board!  We think you killed the interview and really want you on board!”

In the back of my mind….I kept replaying that statement…….

“You should never wonder why you didn’t get a job!  Many times there are other things at work that you have absolutely NO CONTROL OVER!”

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Job interviews, coaching jobs, and relationships!!!!  Seems like they have nothing in common…. Let me inform you of a little secret:  They are all based on the same things.

1.  A first impression can make or break everything….
2. Your resume isn’t just a piece of paper…your reputation…your history…who has agreed to let you list them as a reference….”He’s a great guy” type stuff.
3. “Where you’ve been” matters….Yes, I mean it in both ways.  What schools you’ve coached at …..were they successful…and do they want you to stay?  Also, who you have dated and why???  (can you see the similarities now?)
4. You will have to sign off on a background check, drug screening, and resume verification…you know.. to make sure everything checks out!  (Eyebrows raised yet?)
5. You will be required to meet the supervisors:  Athletic Directors, Presidents, Coaches, Parents, Grandparents, Brothers, Sisters, Players….cafeteria workers, booster club presidents, Mayor, Kiwanis Club, Rotary Club, Elks Lodge, Mason’s……….
6. If this is going to work, you will be required to live with these people eventually.  Most coaching gigs are 1-Year contracts…much like an apartment lease…if you decide to move-in together…you are there for 1-Year together!
7. If the situation ends prematurely or negatively….its similar to a breakup..

Crazy, huh!?  But really crazy thing about it.  All of them are major commitments and MAJOR life changes!!

And if you don’t get the girl…..Yep…you know what’s coming…

“You should never wonder why you didn’t get a job!  Many times there are other things at work that you have absolutely NO CONTROL OVER!”

Last week I ended the message telling you …..and myself…to work on becoming the absolute best person you can be in order to attract the same type person.  Truth is, sometimes, even when you are becoming that person, you still don’t get the job or the girl.

I didn’t get the job I was interviewing for in the beginning of the message…..but 5 months later…….THEY CALLED BACK….AND I ACCEPTED THE POSITION FOR A YEAR!

I GUESS THEY DECIDED TO HIRE ME…..ERH…SHE DECIDED TO GO OUT WITH ME AFTER ALL!  

________________________________________________________________

So let me bring this together here:

It took me into my mid-20’s to figure out the knowledge I am about to give you in a weekly message…….

Whether you do or DON’T get the job…..Regardless if you get the girl or you DONT…..YOU CANNOT wonder why you didn’t get it or them!  Many times there are other things at work that you have absolutely NO CONTROL OVER!

When you don’t get the job, 90% of the time there is something out there BETTER for you and your season of life!  BETTER!  GUARANTEED!  This life is all about having FAITH in the process and preparing yourself for your MOMENTS!!!

The Book of Judges in the Bible tells the interesting story of Samson…Samson was a straight up, “Freak of Nature”!  He was STRONG!  We are not talking power cleaning 300 lbs. here.  He was BAAAD!  Heres his story….

The Story of Samson! Why you should be extremely selective in you Search for Personnel!

Our boy Samson was…well….impulsive!  He demanded his way….especially in relationships….or should I say LUST!  I can almost here him say it, “Mom, Dad, Go get her so I can make her my wife!”

He really thought he knew what was best for HIM!…..WRONG!!

Matrimony was the LAST thing on Samson’s mind!  And don’t give me that, “He wanted to take her to P.F. Chang’s at The Summit”, either!!  No, Samson wanted to bypass The Summit and take her to the Holiday Inn on Hwy 280!  IMPULSE!

Samson got himself into trouble.. FAST!  And in the end, a woman HE demanded and wanted….deceived him……and in the end…got him killed!

Point: We think we know what is best for us!  I thought I was one phone call away from moving 5 hours NE of home!  Every part of the position looked perfect!  She (the job) was beautiful….great looks, great potential!  But, it turns out the timing wasn’t right.  I decided to keep trying to improve myself and TRUST IN THE PROCESS!

When it comes to Hiring Coaches and Picking Relationships we really owe it to ourselves to be honest!  Would you date the person you are RIGHT NOW!?  Would you HIRE the the person you are RIGHT NOW?  And if you don’t get the job….if you don’t get the girl…are you man enough to wake up even earlier tomorrow morning….Go Back to Work….and Trust in the Process?

I wish someone would have sat my tail down when I was a freshman and told me that….

And here is your meditation for the week:

I love you guys!  And I want to see you in a position that is right for YOU!

#CoachKD

Coaches, supervisors, and parents are confronted with a unlimited number of issues with their players, employees, and children.  Some are relatively benign…while others require some intensive thought and a plan of action to assist the issue.

One of the problems that are inevitable…….

Relationships!

The individual comes to you.  Maybe after a period of trying to work through the situation themselves…and they need someone “sane” to talk to.  This usually takes place after they discussed it with one of their friends and quickly realized their friends advice was a little less crazy than a speech from a democratic primary….

vs….

They want someone to talk to.  They want someone who will NOT take the issue to Facebook…..(vague quotes about relationships, “Don’t go a mile for someone who won’t go an inch for….well…you get it)!  They want someone who will not multiply the drama in their life.  They want real advice and they want to know how in the heck to make their pain subside.

Each time this has happened to me it has come at a VERY inconvenient time. I’m running late….I’m getting food “To Go”…..late to church……ASLEEP at 3am even.  But I don’t care one single bit.  These are the moments…when the lights are not on…that we earn our title as coaches and mentors.

————————————————————————–

One of my favorite players of all time came to me one beautiful Piedmont day with a stern, yet vulnerable look on his face.  He had been a little disconnected the past couple of days and I had called him on it.

I put my arm around him and asked one key question…..

“Is it a girl, school, or home?!  Or All of the above?!  Come talk to me when you are ready!”

After the player and I talked for a few minutes something seemed different about him.  The girlfriend was definitely an issue…..so we began our process….I said,

“Let’s play a little game here.  Just for the heck of it, let’s say you are the Athletic Director at the University of…..well….and SEC school!  You have to hire a Head Football Coach in less than 3 weeks.   What are the characteristics you are looking for in a Head Coach?

Player:  “Well Coach, I would need the following things:

-A coach with a bachelor’s degree and masters degree…..minimum!

-A proven Head Coach at a major program,

-A winning record.

-A Coach that has been to a few different places and WON!

-A proven Recruiter.  Someone who can recruit the very best!

-A coach with a stable family life….Wife understands the Culture.

-A coach with a good reputation…erh…a BIG NAME!

-A defensive mind:  A head coach that is intense and will fight for you in the street.

-Oh…and being a defensive coach…a coach who will hire the right Offensive Coord.

-A good fit for the South.  A cross between a Southern Baptist Preacher and a CEO of a fortune 500 company.  Someone who could compete with Nick Saban, Jim McElwain, and Kirby Smart.

Player:  “What do you think so far, Coach?!”

Me:  “Wow, impressive!  Very impressive!  The only thing you left out is calling Jimmy Sexton…….

………….However,

“What characteristics do you look for in a girl to date?!, REAL TALK!?”

Player:  “Well, I would normally say good legs, Beyonce’s butt, and a that look in her eye..you know what I’m sayin!?”

Me:  “I think you need to work on your qualifications……….!”

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Ok…Ok…I know what you are thinking!  But I’ve had this conversation many times over my career.  And yes, when I was in college I dated just for fun! However, I figured out real quick that I had to re-examine my qualifications!  And honestly, those girls probably needed to work on their qualifications too….when considering ME!!!

If the following list is even remotely correct, then I’m getting close!  Click the link below:

The 10 People You Date Before You Meet The One!

My favorite is #9…..especially the last part! I’ve personally seen that one a few times.

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Anyway, the whole relationship thing is a eons different then it ever has been or ever will be due to several factors:

1. TECHNOLOGY:  Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, etc, etc, etc….TINDER!  (My favorite are the people on Tinder that say they want a serious relationship…NOT A HOOKUP…and to “Swipe Left” if you are looking for a hookup! I mean…you …are…on…Tinder!  TINDER!  C’mon man!!
2. EXPANDING NETWORKS: In the past, guys would meet a girl in his hometown or a few towns over, and BAM….the cycle repeats itself!  Today, anyone is a keystroke away from meeting anyone…AROUND THE WORLD!
3. FASTER RELATIONSHIP PHASES:  The Discovery Phase is now days….thanks to #1 and #2 above 🙂  Anything you want to know…THE INTERNET will tell you!  (Half of you guys are laughing at this right now because one of the tabs above is on Facebook…your ex’s Facebook, That is!)
4. CHANGING SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS: I’m not going to venture too far into this but society has changed its views on SEX, SEXUALITY, ATTRACTION, AND THE DEFINITION OF INTIMACY!

AND WHILE ALL OF THESE THINGS HAVE CHANGED OUR WORLD…ONE CONDITION STILL REMAINS THE SAME….

We are trying to obtain positive relationships and we are all trying to HIRE our personal Co-Head Coaches!

We all have dreams and aspirations in our heads of what our future spouse should be like.  We tell our friends when we met someone we are interested in and then we feel let down when we find out that special person has a past, parents won’t approve, and isn’t interested in OUR DREAMS!

So, What in the world should our QUALIFICATIONS be?

When I look back at my college years, I remember seeing a pattern when examining the dating culture during that time.  The culture was cyclical:

THE JACKED UP COLLEGE DATING CYCLE

(Please don’t take this as me being cynical….this is just what I have seen as the “secular” dating cycle..)

1. Discovery Phase:  1 hour-2 weeks..
2. Intimacy Phase: No explanation needed.
3. Breakup Phase:  Usually over a minor issue that is just a means for one to get out of the relationship!
4. Recovery Phase: Usually involved meeting another person and entering #1 again…

Now, let’s go a little more “IN DEPTH” into the cycle…..

1: Discovery Phase:

“This is who I want you to THINK I am.  Things like Trust/Loyalty/Commitment are yet to be tested…but “Dang, THEY ARE HOT!”  I’m not sure if Intimacy SHOULD happen but (I KNOW IT SHOULDN’T…BUT….DANGIT!  It just happened.”

2. Intimacy Phase:

“DID THAT JUST HAPPEN AGAIN!  DANGIT!  And what did you say your roommates name is again?!  Oh, Ok!  I’ve driven through your hometown with my parents on our way to vacation…..its SOO COOL!  Oh class?!  I only have a lab at……???  I haven’t been in a week!  Do you still want to hang out tonight?!”

3. Discovery Phase Part II:

“We’ve been together for a month and you listen to Dwight Yoakam!?  I can’t even believe this!!!  And you grew up a Tennessee fan!?  WTH!!??  I don’t even know who you are anymore…..!?  But, when we get married…and yes we are still getting married...how many kids are we having..”

4. Break-Up Phase:

(At one person’s apt or dorm room)…”I saw you having coffee with your professor…..do you two have a thing?  Oh, I’m not accusing you?  I just wanted to know!  Wait, my “boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/it’s complicated” is here…I’m sorry but you need to go…..but I really enjoyed last night!  Facebook DM me after he leaves…”

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Now,  let’s look back at that list of QUALIFICATIONS that my player gave me for hiring a Head Coach at an SEC program….and let’s put the list into play with a relationship….Girlfriend/Boyfriend dynamic:

–A coach with a bachelor’s degree and masters degree…..minimum! Is the candidate prepared, willing, and able to be your partner in all decisions spiritual, parental (when kids arrive), FINANCIAL, and medical (do you trust them to make the right decision…..?)

–A proven Head Coach at a major program:  Has the candidate learned from…and accepted their past and do they see it as changing them for the better? They have been around scene and see your value and your worth as a person spiritually, parentally, and financially?

–A winning record. As much as we hate to admit it at times…life counts wins and losses.  Is the candidate a winner?  Has the candidate proven their PRIORITIES AND STANDARDS can stand the test of time? Are they biblical standards!?!? Food for thought!

–A Coach that has been to a few different places and WON!  Has the candidate dated a few people and learned from each?  Are they friends with them?  Do they stay in contact with all of their exes? (RED FLAG)!  Most importantly, does the candidate want to tell you about those experiences because they want you to understand and know the candidate better…..?

–A proven Recruiter.  Someone who can recruit the very best!  What type of people surround your candidate?  Are they trustworthy?  Is there always drama?  What type of people does your candidate recruit to invest in….?  On Friday night, is their first play call, “What time are we meeting at the bar!?”  ****What do they talk about?  What’s in their heart?!

-A coach with a stable family life….Wife/Husband understands the Culture. Does the candidate know what THEY are getting THEMSELVES into with YOU!?!?  This list does go both ways!  Do you really want to become intimate with them and them FREAK OUT with they discover your addiction to anything “Justin Beiber”!  Trust me….you don’t want to get into a rough football season and your significant other figure out they don’t want to be a “coaches wife/husband”!

–A coach with a good reputation…erh…a BIG NAME!  This one is just plain obvious.  Does the candidate have a good reputation?  Do you keep hearing stories of what the candidate did at that football party in 2005? Things to consider…….    People can….and do…change…but its not a good feeling to have a friend or acquaintance walk up to you in a restaurant or bar and…with sincere look, ask “Are you with THEM!?”

–A defensive mind… A head coach that is intense and will fight for YOU in the street:  *****************Is the candidate loyal?!  TO YOU!  Sure they have friends!  They better! But are they going to be loyal to YOU through thick and thin!  

-Oh…and being a defensive coach…a coach who will hire the right Offensive Coord:  Is your candidate able to outsource when necessary?!  When they do need help, who would the candidate seek out?  Is your candidate humble and efficient enough to understand when they need to seek guidance from a spiritual, financial, parental, or relational authority?!….OR DO THEY INTERNALIZE?   ****Also tied to this:  Are they relationally mature?

-A good fit for the South.  A cross between a Southern Baptist Preacher and a CEO of a fortune 500 company.  Someone who could compete with Nick Saban, Jim McElwain, and Kirby Smart.  All I am going to say about this one is…….watch Paulie Shore in…

Well, let’s take a look at what the Alpha and the Omega says about virtuous relationships…..

The following link is summary to the Love Story of Ruth and Boaz….

The Love Story of Ruth and Boaz

When you read that story you will realize that it talks a great deal about waiting (from both sides), faith ( in yourself…others…and GOD), and TIMING! Also, everyone in the story had to meet certain biblical qualifications before the situation could present itself….

This week you are back home for the first time in a year or you are working your Boaz off in a summer job (You gotta give me credit for the corny stuff)!  Either way, you should have a little time at night to think about WHO you are and WHERE your life is going!  During this “Free Time”…list the top 10 traits you want in your mate and ask this question:

Do I possess and reflect the traits I expect my future mate to have?!

Would you hire YOU to be the Assistant Head Coach of your LIFE!????……

I think that is a great stopping point for this week’s message…..

So this week, ask yourself:

Am I a Boaz…or am I just another person on that list above?

Just asking……

Stay Strong!

#CoachKD

#WouldIBuyWhatIamSelling?

“He offended me…”

“She disrespected me, man!”

“Did you see the way he stared me down?!  I’m going to ask him if he has a problem!”

“Did you see her facebook post? I can’t believe she posted that!”

“He said Kobe was better than Lebron….so I punched him!”

 

We as a society are ANGRY……AT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!  If you don’t think so, sit in a restaurant or in your local Starbucks and listen to the conversations.  You will most likely see someone get frustrated because their triple shot macchiato with raspberry syrup didn’t appear fast enough. SERIOUSLY!!!!

We seem to need someone to blame for anything going on in the world!  And we attack anything within our reach!  If you look for it…you will see people lashing out….in so many outlets…..it is frightening.

A few weeks ago I made the mistake of watching a major news channel for 10 minutes…….10 minutes!!!!!!!!  What happened……I’ll tell you that if I watched that newscast for more than a few days I would need a steady dose of Ativan! And one prescription renewal…

So it brings us to the weekly question…

Why are we so OFFENDED!?

Several years ago I took a job at a small university.  Upon my arrival I gladly accepted an invitation for a “Meet and Greet” with the faculty, staff, administration, and surrounding community.  The introduction to the environment went well and I was relieved to find hospitality in a new town.  As the event came to an end, one individual approached me and had the following question,

“So….Coach…..I know where you are from…..but I hope you realize that you won’t be jack squat here!  I mean, with the money they are paying you they could buy something important…”

…..I laughed….I smiled….I asked the individual if they were a booster, a former athlete, or a member of the University community……their reply:

“Good Luck Bama”

This rapport continued for the first couple of months of my tenure.  The person would show up at certain gatherings and give me the silent treatment.  Let’s just say I was getting the message LOUD AND CLEAR!!  They didn’t want me there…and they wanted to make the transition as difficult as possible…..

As much as I didn’t want to admit it…they ticked me off!  I took careful notice of who the individuals connections were and made mental notes of them.

Each community has individuals and groups that “buy in” to what you are trying to cultivate in the program.  On the flip-side, you also have people who simply DO NOT want to listen to or participate any activity that you bring to the table…..for whatever reason.

I was trying to use the negativity of that person to motivate me….but I was really just feeding the issue….and working longer hours….and recruiting twice as hard as usual.

but hey…..I WAS OFFENDED!!!!…and being a jackwagon! (a Coach Newell term).

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Each Tuesday morning I would go to the local breakfast joint, grab a USA Today (great college football coverage), a coffee, and enjoy some “Me time”!  I would make small talk with the restaurant staff and check out the local talent…although single women are rare at a small town coffee shop on a Tuesday morning….well…in some places they are rare.

One particular Tuesday morning as I reached the bottom of my first cup of coffee, my “number one fan”(the guy from the Meet and Greet)….(that is my sarcasm for those who are new to this).. walked in with a small group of people.  They sat in a booth behind me and started their dissection of my game plan.  Suddenly, without thinking, I got up and walked over to their booth…..grabbed a chair….and pulled it right up beside my “buddy”.

“So, let’s talk some ball!” I said.

Completely shocked and a little off guard, the alpha of the group asked about the upcoming game.

I said…

“We have an incredible plan….and we are going to be successful!  But I’ll tell you what I think would really help us out….you know…turn the corner to being a championship team….ALL OF US BEING ON THE SAME DANG PAGE!  Why don’t you guys come by the field house ……I have some hats for you! We can meet here on Tuesday mornings and talk college football and our next opponent!?  Trust me, YA’LL want to be on our side when we start rolling!!!!!!!!!”

The table stopped and there was silence for about 4 seconds..(it felt like alot longer to this deep southerner).  And then…….UNANIMOUS AGREEMENT!!!  “Sure, we would love to!  Let’s start next week…..or we can do tomorrow if you want, Coach!?”

One by one they left until it was me and my “Number 1 fan”!

Then it happened, the individual said, “I guess you want to know why I’ve been such a (blank) to you since you arrived!!  I don’t get tickets anymore from the school.  None of us do.  After all I’ve done for this community…offended doesn’t even describe my feelings.  Now how would you feel?!”

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So there is was….the reason for being offended.…..

In a world of anger and offense over….

-Economic Status

-Race and Culture

-Education

-Religious Beliefs

-Sexual Orientation

-Bathroom usage….

– Heck…..ANYTHING…..

And yes….that is a frog!  Someone will not agree with my use of this frog….and

They will be offended.

Dr. Kevin Elko says in one of his programs,

“If you treat everyone you meet like they are hurting, you won’t miss by much!”

Truth is, WE ARE ALL HURTING!  We are all in a maze of breakups, divorces, greetings and goodbyes, beginnings and endings, friendships and romances, attractions and heartaches. And the only way we can express our pain is……..

TO BE ANGRY AND OFFENDED!

This message really tugs at my heart!  I see so many young men and women making mistakes because of EGO and PRIDE.  Simply watch your local news and watch as people alter their lives because they were OFFENDED!

For one week,  as your friend, mentor, and coach….I want to you commit to doing one thing!  Every person you see…every person you talk to….treat them as if they are hurting….as if they are wounded beyond repair. And if you need help with how to do that, the following is a blueprint:

-If someone is verbally rude:  stay calm and say, “I’m sorry” and LISTEN to them!

-If someone is mean to you at work:  ask them if they want a coffee and LISTEN to them!

-If a teammate is angry: ask them to take a walk with you and LISTEN to them!

-If your professor disciplines you in front of the class: LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!

Do you see the pattern????

My grandmother (Nanny Clark) would say, “Pass and Let Pass!”

Treat every single person you meet as though they are in pain….and you will be close!

This week,

“Give Up Your Right to Be Offended!”

Right now…say it out loud 3 times,

“For the next week I willingly forfeit my right to be Offended by others!  People are hurting and I am going to bless someone this week who was negative and/or rude and offended me!”

Also, make a list…..seriously!  A list!  List the people in the bible that Jesus performed a miracle for….and tell me why they were offended……and by whom!?

They just wanted to be BETTER!  They had gotten over their offended state of mind and just wanted to get BETTER!  So, do you want to get Better or do you want to be Offended?

It will really make you think….

Much Love Everyone! And let’s drop the HATE for a few days….

#CoachKD